Turned it Around

I am feeling much more upbeat that what I let on yesterday. We all have those days that we get a little down and out and I am just trying to make those fewer and farther between. Pick it back up and keep on keepin' on.

The upswing actually started Monday night when Ben suggested that we paint our dining room chairs and put another coat of finish on the dining room table after putting Eleanor down rather than assuming our normal TV viewing positions on the couch. Usually after Eleanor is down, all I want to do is collapse and veg out. I hate that. I want to complete projects and feel productive but usually my tired side wins out. I was happy he suggested this and it also gives us that extra hour to visit rather than zone out to our current show: The West Wing. It felt good to accomplish something. I want to find time for more small projects like this!

So then I had my hum drum morning yesterday but then I got E down for a nap and I did my first workout in the Revolt Now Fitness Challenge. I got to take Eleanor to a family friend's little hobby farm and let her meet their new baby goats. They were so adorable and Eleanor just loved them.

We got home, ate lunch and proceeded to read 835 a lot of books. She was being very stubborn and not going down for another nap which was strange because she had gotten up so early, only slept for an hour in the morning and played outside so I thought she was really tired. My mom stopped by, got her down for about an hour and then Ben got home.

The evening was good, E fought going down for bedtime which was frustrating and then we relaxed for a bit.

All in all, I am realizing that my attitude and days are what I make of them. When I am feeling down I am learning to put more effort into picking myself up. E doesn't deserve to have a mother who is frustrated and down about silly things. She woke up early again this morning, we snuggled watching cartoons for a bit, ate breakfast and headed out to do a little shopping even though it is so gray and rainy today. I just finished another workout while she is napping and even though it is so yucky outside, I feel good.

Happy Hump Day!

Friday is Here Again

This week has been really great. Ben is actually off work because he starts a new job on Monday! This is a really exciting change for him and our family and we are very excited to see what this next chapter brings. We have been enjoying having him home, getting to do some activities as a family and getting some chores done around the house.

Last week I had a pretty frustrating week as my back problem flared up again. It seems like the pattern has been when I start back running, it flares. I am hoping to just ease back into my workouts because it seems like in the past I just stop working out for months after a flare up and then jump back in and the cycle continues. I haven't really done much for the past week and a half so this week I have slowly done a couple core workouts and am hoping to get back to yoga next week.

A few weeks ago I was invited to be part of a workout program that I was actually really excited about. A lot of it seems like some of the stuff I am already doing but it also includes a meal plan. It is the Revolt Fitness Program and I am excited to get into some of the workouts. I am not promising that I will be following exactly day by day due to my back issues but I will try my best! There isn't anything wrong with some clean eating, which we do a lot of anyway, and some new workout moves invented by a mom right?! I also love that it promotes getting fit in your own home as opposed to spending hours and hours in a gym if we don't have the time. Not that I have anything against gyms. I just, personally, don't have a membership and am always a fan of quick, intense workouts. I think that's why so many of us are fans of the 30 Day Shred. Am I right?!

I feel a little bad about my back last week and then of course on top of that dealing with the ol' lady business this week. I can't say I have been the biggest treat for my husband to hang out with but hey, he's a good sport and hopefully I can buck up for these last couple days of vacation. Speaking of vacation, my in-laws will be coming into town in a couple of weeks and for the weekend we will be venturing back up to our college town to explore, shop around, eat around maybe even venture to the snow.

Speaking of again of college towns, we headed into the city the other night right near where my brother went to college and went to a few bars in celebration of Ben's going away happy hour with his old team. It was fun to feel a little trendy for the night and have a couple drinks with his former co-workers.

This weekend we are hopefully finishing up a few DIY projects we decided to tackle, one of which includes chalkboard paint which I am trying not to use on everything, so hopefully I will be back next week with some pictures of those projects and some more fitness chit chat! Have a great weekend!

It's Me Again

I have a friend who had her baby almost exactly 6 months ahead of when I did. It was nice to chat with her about things, relate to things she was experiencing a little bit before me and then when I got to that point even be able to have her go back and say, "oh yes, that happened to me/us too."

I distinctly remember her telling me that she did not feel "normal" until her baby was about six months old. I kept holding onto that through those hard, grueling, tiresome first few months. All the way up until six months. I didn't feel it. I still wasn't normal. I held out a few more months and then I brought it up to her. She replied with well, yes, I thought it was true but it wasn't until about nine months.

I kept holding out. There would be better days than others. However, I still wasn't myself. I would complain about it. I knew it. I knew I was crazy, emotional, hormonal and overwhelmed, I just didn't know what to do about it.

Fast forward again to Eleanor's birthday party and my friend and I were talking again. Oh, Allyce, she said, you really don't feel like yourself again until about 15 months old. 15 months?! Well, that was a far cry from her original 6 month mark and then her 9 month mark. But I laughed and agreed and scolded her for giving me these false hopes. Not really but we did laugh.

The other night we got together, our four couples of friends, without kids and her and I were chatting again. We were talking about her friend who is now in those early months with a three month old and she was telling her that it is all just really weird. A weird time, weird experiences, feeling weird and all that.

We had a great day as a family yesterday complete with a family nap, a walk and a good dinner. I was joking around being my quirky self and Ben was laughing. I turned to him and said, "Hey, isn't this the Allyce you like?" and he replied with, "Ya, she just took a break for awhile and gave all her goodness to her," and pointed down to Eleanor. I totally took that as a compliment.

Over this past year plus I have given my all to Eleanor. It has left little to no time for myself. And what I wasn't giving to Eleanor I was trying to give to my husband. I finally am getting to the point where I feel like I am back. So, these bench marks of when we feel normal again as mothers are different for everyone and for some it is just a new normal to get used to. I also feel like it is easier now that Eleanor is to the point where she can be a little more independent playing while I make dinner or able to quietly ride in her stroller while I run. I also don't feel a panic come over when I do leave her for a few hours or even overnight. All of this is okay and I know it is a good balance to be a mom but also to be me and be a wife.

Will I do everything the exact same with a second baby? I can't say. I will always be a mom that does what feels right for us at the time. Have I learned a few things on this first go around? Well, you betcha. I have also learned that it is okay if I am not doing the exact same thing as every other mother out there. Eleanor is my baby and I am her mother. That's really all that matters even if it did take me almost 15 months to get back to that quirky self of mine.

Go ahead and link up with Becky to share what's on your heart today.

The In-Betweens

I seriously love the age Eleanor is right now. She understands so much, she is getting so much better at expressing herself and what she wants. She is interested in everything and always learning.

The issue I am having is that sometimes I think she is bored. We play with her toys, roam around, she loves to help with chores like the dishwasher and "folding" and putting away laundry. We eat our meals. We try to go outside for walks as much as possible. But I want to make sure I am challenging her or teaching her as much as I can. I feel like a lot of the activities I come up with or can think of are just a little too "old" for her. Baking, putting pipe cleaners in the colander, sorting craft pom poms. I don't want to wish her older, I just wish I could come up with activities that are age appropriate  I mean, I know she is a 14 1/2 month old with little to no attention span but there has to be a few things.

We have found that she loves stickers. So that keeps her attention for a bit. And the girl loves books. I mean like big, puffy, heart lovin'. Books, over and and over. Which I love.

All this aside, Eleanor and I are in a really good place right now. It's not to say that I haven't loved other ages up until now, I just think that some of the previous challenges are starting to fade and my confidence as a mom continues to grow. I find that things I used to stress and agonize over are becoming less of a big deal as time goes on. I try really hard to go with the flow a little more. I think that was kind of an oxymoron. She really is such a good girl. She is happy most of the time. When she isn't I can usually figure out why. Minus the damn teeth! Those little buggers, seriously, come out of no where or take forever, for the love, to come in!

Again, we are really looking forward to nicer weather because I think E will want to live outside. Just like her mama.

Any ideas on good or fun activities for an almost 15 month old are very welcome!

The First One is Always the Hardest, Right?

Okay, yes I am probably beating a dead horse but I do feel that accountability from others helps immensely when working out and trying to get fit. Or eating right. Or even trying to quit a bad habit.

So I'm going to talk about it.

I am hoping to do the Color Run in May with a group of girls and, I know, if I had all the time in the world and could run whenever I wanted I would have no problem achieving that goal. However, I have a little shadow in the form of a 30" tall 14 month old that can sometimes put a damper on the workout front. I want to stop letting that be an excuse. I told my brother I wanted to do this and he asked what my goal is. I want to run the whole time. I know run can be a loose term but I just don't want to, at any point, feel like I am walking. So, then they told me about this run at the end of April that you get a doughnut at the finish. Well, I looove me some doughnuts! I may look into that one as well.

Anyhow. He sent me my workout today and I strapped E into the Bob, told her to be a good little running partner and she was. Me, however, I was a kind of embarrassing running partner. I was huffing and puffing and barely lifting my legs because they felt like they weighed about ten pounds each! Mind you, I am down pretty far in weight but I am out. of. shape. The bro sent me a walk/run 20 minute workout which I picture to be similar to what the C25k is. So it was good, I completed it. I just felt like I was going to die.

Mind you all. I don't know if a 45 degree, damp day, pushing my 22 lb. babe was probably the best idea. Oh well, I figure it can't get much more challenging from there, right?!

I am happy to have started the road. It could be a long road. But that's okay. I'll get there. I think for awhile I was using every excuse in the book to not work out. I'm tired. I have no time. I'm always nursing. I have no time. I'll probably get pregnant again this year so what's the use in getting in shape if I'm going to gain weight again?

Well. While all of those excuses comforted me for about a year I finally realized, OH WELL! So what if I'm tired, working out or a little exercise gives me a little more energy and helps me sleep better at night. Time? Give me 20 minutes and I can accomplish some sort of body movement. I am still nursing but only at bedtime so that has helped in that area. And pregnancy?! Pshhh, if I do, I do and then I'll be one step ahead in a healthy pregnancy!

So there we have it. Day 1 of the road to a 5K for this mama.

Do You Yoga?

I mentioned in my last post how Ben got me some yoga classes for Christmas. I have always wanted to like yoga but have never really gotten into it. I did a few Bikram classes when I was in college which I really liked but then fell away from because I couldn't justify the cost. Over the years I have done a video here or there, or some On Demand stuff but never really stuck with it. 

Well.

Going to classes has been so great. I have yet to go to a hot yoga class at this gym, but the regular classes I have been going to have been great, mind-clearing and really just what I need to each week. I have really allowed myself to, I know this sounds so yoga-ish, but to clear my mind and just be in the moment with my body. It is an hour to myself where I can just focus on my body and what is going on. I have never been at a point in my life like I am now where I feel like I have a lot of noise. Do you know what I mean? Just like, always having to get something done, take care of something/someone, catch up on this or that. I am so glad my husband did this for me and so glad I am actually taking the time to enjoy it. 

I have only been three times but I am hoping to up it to twice a week since I have only been managing to make it to one. It sounds so silly, even to me, but I can tell such a difference throughout the rest of the day that I had gone to class. 

I think it also helps I am doing a few other things here or there, just 20-30 minutes a day in my living room to strengthen my body. I definitely lost all the baby weight but with that and nursing, I also have managed to lose a lot of muscle with basically no working out over the past year. There have been a few weeks here or there where I get into kicks but I hope this yoga is longer than a kick. I hope that these ten classes really give me that jump start that I need and that whether I keep going to class, which I definitely hope to do because there is just something to be said for getting out of the house and spending time for myself, or just get a good video that I like, I really hope to keep going because--it just feels good to feel good.

Somethings Just Make You Smile

This past week and a half has really been a memorable one. The weekend before Thanksgiving we got to celebrate with two friends from college as they got married. They have been together for over seven years, everyone has known they would get married for awhile and it was so fun to be a part of the huge celebration. It was just one of those weddings that every feels good about, is happy to be a part of and was just overflowing with love and joy for the couple. It was also so fun to get to see so many college friends that we don't get to see near enough.

We took Eleanor to the wedding for the first couple of hours and then it was close enough that my parents came and picked her up before her dinner time, fed her dinner, took her to our house and put her to bed. We stayed for a few more hours and had a great time dancing and visiting. Eleanor must have known that mom and dad were out a little late because she didn't wake up until 745am! Unheard of! We got a slow start, Ben worked at home for a little while and then we headed over to my parents' to celebrate my brother's 25th birthday. A friend of his that was like a little brother to  me came up and we got to meet his almost 9 month old son and visit with him and his wife. It was really nice to see old friends that we hadn't seen in awhile.

Starting mid-week, we spent a lot of time over at my parents' house because they were hosting Thanksgiving so E and I went over to keep my mom company on Tuesday and then again Wednesday afternoon. My dad was off work Wednesday and Ben came our when he got off work. We had a throw together dinner since they were preparing for Thursday but it was just a nice relaxing evening.

Thursday we spent a nice morning at our house, slept in a little, had breakfast, Skyped with our Texas fam and then headed to my parents' after E's morning nap. My parents tried something a little different this year for the bird which actually consisted of three birds; turkey, duck and chicken. Yep, that's right, a turducken. We spent the rest of the day there, my brother and his girlfriend came, my grandparents and my great grandma. It was a nice dinner, relaxing day and we went home full and happy.

Friday we were home some of the day, ran some errands and then came home and made a good dinner. I did start to get out some decorations that day but it sure is quite a bit harder to whip it all out with a baby running around!

Saturday Ben headed over to my great grandma's with my dad and brother to put up her Christmas lights and I put E down for her morning nap and then we all met over at my parents' so the guys could brew some beer, we played with E and I ended up making some gumbo.

Ben worked for awhile Sunday morning and then we spent the rest of the day finishing up Christmas decorations, lights and relaxing before the holiday was over.

I know none of this sounds out of the normal or not like any super special events took place. It was just a week full of things to be thankful for. People, family, friends, warmth, good food and relaxation. It was a "good for the soul" kind of weekend and it actually was kind of calming rather than stressful like sometimes holidays can be. It felt like a great kick-off to E's first holiday season as not a newborn!

11 Months

Dear Eleanor,

This past month flew by. So much so that I am writing this post just a short two weeks from your first birthday! Before we get ahead of ourselves, let's remember this month because it has been so fun and so full of excitement as far as you are concerned.

Your personality shines more and more everyday. You are happy, talkative, determined and yes, sometimes stubborn. You seem so inquisitive and curious which your dad and I love to watch. Watching you try to figure things out is like watching every little gear in your brain hard at work and it is so amusing. You are showing when you get frustrated also if something isn't going quite your way.

We tried to teach you the "more" sign starting a couple months ago and you picked up on it quickly although your sign is more squeezing your hands together. It helps cut down on whining when you want something so I guess we accomplished our goal. You have kind of taken it a step further and it has kind of become your sign for nursing, "yes," please, and more. I guess we will work on that.

You talk all the time when you are awake. Jabbering, blabbering, babbling and I love it. You are mimicking our inflections on sentences and such and it is so cute. We think we can also pick out some "words" such as:

night night (nigh nigh)
yes/ya (dis, da)
juice (jis)
dad (dada)
mama (mama)
no (na)

It seems as though you use all these at the correct times so I think they have proper meaning behind them. Also, you can sometimes make a cow noise. We ask what does a cow say, or show you a cow and sometimes you will just moan or we have to do it first and you mimic. Not all the time but when you do it's cute!

On your 11 month birthday, I would say, is the day you started walking. It was the first day I saw you take steps, unprompted on your own accord. Now, two weeks later, you usually choose walking over crawling, your balance is better everyday and you can turn and such. Love it.

Your sleep has improved tremendously. We tried to move your bedtime back with DST and then again a little bit more so our evenings weren't so rushed and Dad got to spend a little bit more time with you. So at night, you are usually going down between 8-830 and we actually had a couple of nights where you slept until 7am! What?! I know, crazy. But usually, you still wake between 5-6am, nurse and go back until about 730. You are still usually taking two naps a day, morning and late afternoon. I should say you still should be taking two naps, the afternoon can be hit or miss, still. We can definitely tell when you don't take it!

You continue to love food. You are such a good eater and for that we are so thankful. Over the past two weeks we have started offering you watered down juice and coconut milk. You seem to like both and it seems you like the coconut milk more everytime you have it. We have tried working in a snack time in the mid-late afternoons to cut down on that nursing session which you have been taking to pretty well. We are nursing about three times a day now, there have been a couple two times and a couple four times but seems to be mostly three.

Over the past month, you stayed with your grandparents for extended periods of time, about 8 hours, we missed a bedtime with you and did wonderfully and you continue to gain independence. It's hard for me to grasp but I know it's a good thing!

You love to explore, as well. You will toddle into the next room by yourself, you love to look in the cupboards and pull everything out, you point at everything and love watching the birds fly around outside. You also love riding in the shopping cart. It is new-ish to you since we don't go shopping too often and for a long time I was putting you in the Ergo. You feel like such a big girl in the seat and love to look around. I know this stage before you want to be down walking on your own is probably short-lived so I am soaking it up while I can.

I just can't say enough how fun this past month has been. You are learning everyday, I am so thankful I get to be right by your side to watch and learn along with you.

We love you so, so much, sweet girl and count ourselves lucky everyday to be your mom and dad.

Love,
Mama

Busy Bees

The next few weekends it feels like we are jam-packed with plans.

Sometimes I feel like we never do anything and then all of a sudden it is the total opposite and there is no end in sight.

Tomorrow I have a bridal shower for a good friend and then Ben and I are going to a brewery's anniversary party. After that we have been invited to a friend's house to hang out in the evening.

With all these plans comes some juggling with the babe. I still don't really leave her except for a couple hours here and there with my mom to run to the store or be home to get a couple chores done, uninterrupted. Over these next few weeks I think there are some events that will require a few more hours than normal.

I know, I know. It's good and I need to start and breakaway at some point but that doesn't make it any easier on my mama heart. We are sllllooowwly starting the weaning process. {Unexpected, yes and basically a whole 'nother post in itself.} So she is definitely going longer stretches between nursing sessions and eating table food really well. I think it is just a hard thing to grasp. That she is okay for that long without me. You get so used to the routine of basically being needed by this little human all the time and then all of a sudden that need starts to slow down. She is becoming more independent, plays on her own here and there, can find me in the house on her own. It is all so exciting yet bittersweet at the same time.

Tomorrow will require being away for a minimum of 5-6 hours. That would be the longest I have been away from her. Even when I say it, it sounds a little crazy! But, it has been what has been right for us. So I will leave mid-morning, attend the shower, meet up with Ben for the afternoon and then we will head home. She will most likely have lunch and an afternoon snack and maybe some coconut milk with my parents. I will come home, she will be happy and well-taken care of.

Oh you don't need to be reassured by all this? I do? Ohh, okay, got it.

Anyway, next weekend's events will require us to be away for bedtime. We were away for bedtime, kind of, once. Once in 11 months. We did the whole dinner, bath and I nursed her, and she went down soon after we left. This time, we will be leaving late afternoon and won't be back until about 10:30pm.

This instance is a little more stressful for me but I know I just need to do it and she will be fine.

We are four weeks away from the big one year birthday and I think my heart is having a hard time adjusting to this new stage.

Yes it is exhausting to be needed all of the time, but I am her mom. That's what I'm here for and what I am used to. I know the next stage is so fun as well but with this first year coming quickly to a close and these new experiences approaching, I feel like I am entitled to some sentimental time as well.

All that said, I am excited to leave her in very capable hands and get to get out, visit with some friends, have fun and feel like a normal human. I mean, I will admit to being a little socially awkward these days, but hey, friends should understand right?!

What are you up to this weekend?

The New Normal

Coming off of vacation is usually a difficult adjustment whether you have a baby, kids or not! Getting back to work, the normal schedule, meals, etc. is enough to tire out anyone and even bring on a bit of depression. Okay maybe not depression but just a little disappointment that vacation is over and basically with our vacation being over, summer is pretty much over here as well. We have had some beautiful weather, don't get me wrong, but there is definitely the fall-chill in the air in the mornings and evenings despite the really warm afternoons.

I feel like I have been doing just a terrible job of documenting the everyday happenings around here and I really hope that changes because we are in a really good place right now and finding our new normal. I'm pretty sure I have talked before about how Ben and I are pretty routine-craving people and that having a baby threw us for a loop in that department. It's like before you have a baby you know things will change, be different, unpredictable and challenging but you don't know quite how much until it is you.

These days we are embracing whatever "routine" or "schedule" we have for the day. There have been many low points in my days with Eleanor, I will definitely admit that, but I am focusing on the high points these days. All of a sudden, last week, it hit me that she is 9 months, well actually over 9 months, old and will be one in less than three months. Less than three months?! What in the heck have I been doing these past nine months?! Well, even though it has been a slow process, I have been adjusting to my new normal.

This past weekend was pretty great even though I was feeling a bit under the weather. Last weekend, we had arrived home from vacation on Sunday and kind of just hopped back into the week. This weekend we got to relax on Friday night, enjoy a leisurely morning on Saturday and celebrate a friend's engagement on Saturday afternoon. Sunday morning, again, started out slowly, enjoying family breakfast and lunch, a couple of naps for E and then Ben's birthday dinner. None of it was too fancy or exciting but that is where we are now. And we love it. Friday night, our friend's band was playing in the city and we considered going until we found out he probably wasn't going on until about 11:30. PM. Ben still thought about going even after heard that because he hasn't seen them play yet and he wanted to see our friends but after talking about it, we realized {and I think we already knew but were trying to feel somewhat social} that we just aren't in that place right now. And that's okay. Maybe next summer we will be able to make a late show like that but last Friday night just wasn't the night. We haven't stayed a night away from Eleanor as a couple and Ben has only been away for business and a wedding and he decided that wasn't how he wanted to spend a chosen night away from her quite yet.

If we have learned anything {I mean we have learned a million things} it is that each phase/stage is so fleeting. Each stage that I have thought couldn't possibly get any harder, could have been over the next week.  I know that people told me that at the time and it is so easy for experienced moms to tell me all that but at the time it is just really hard to hear. There have only been a few people that I have been able to just vent to and not get some sort of piece of advice. Sometimes you just need an ear, ya know? I am grateful for those people and over time, one of those people did become my husband. Ben always wants to be able to fix a problem or give a solution and I think he realized that wasn't always going to be the case. Sometimes, I just need to talk, vent, get mad or cry and he would just have to listen. We have always had strong communication but this experience has strengthened it even more. We have found balance between when to say something and when to not. When he is being super patient, I may not be and vice versa. I am by no means saying we have any of this figured out or that we are experts at all, but we are getting better and getting to a point where we have our feet under us a little bit more than we did.

I know this is all sort of random and scattered but I haven't been able to blog much and when I do it feels more like a journal entry of where my thoughts are on this one particular day. I know it will be nice to look back at when we are considering another baby and I need a reality check as to if we are really ready to head down that road again!

So, Happy Monday and here's to a good week! ;)

The Toofers

No, Eleanor does not have any teeth.

Yes, everyone asks.

As a matter of fact, everyone has been asking for awhile. She is always gumming everything, hands, arms, toys, etc. She drools. I don't know if it's excessive, it's all I know, but don't most babies drool?

Anyway, for a few months now people would probably think she was teething. We have yet to see any signs in her gums and it is just fine by me. Not only because I am a little scared out of my mind nervous about her biting me but also because I just cannot imagine her with teeth! I loooove her sweet, gummy smile and I think it will just make her look too, darn old! She is already growing fast enough and I just think a tooth or two will put me over the edge. My brother and I were both later teethers so that's what I am hoping for.

Another reason, I think, people ask about her teeth is because she eats quite a bit. She does really well getting chicken down but tougher meat is a little harder. She chews really well too, there are just no teeth to chew with. I think people also forget how incredibly hard babies' gums are. Her gums are strong!

Kind of a random post but I just think it's funny how many people ask and I really don't give it a second thought. Just another thing that is such a wide spectrum of difference for babies. *Thanks for all the beautiful, gummy smiles, my sweet baby!*

Rugged Mountain Baby

...Or something along those lines.

She didn't get bit by bugs. She didn't eat much dirt. She slept. She wasn't too wiggly or wanting to be down all the time.

We camped and it was a success!

About a month ago, I think I was maybe feeling like I was missing out on summer fun, the sun, camping, swimming and all that goes with summer. Don't get me wrong, of course I am having so much fun with the babe, but it's definitely a different type of summer than we are used to. So on a whim, I declared to Ben that I wanted to go camping. Of course he was on board right away because a.) he is always up for an outing or doing things that are outside my comfort zone because he thinks he knows what is best for me...and b.) because he loooves camping. So do I. So, why not, right?!

Loves of my life!

We found a spot about 20 minutes from our house and put the invite out to our group of friends that have babies and that we go on our vacations with. The two couples with babies responded with yes so it was planned.

Yes, we still have a dog and she even got to come! 

About every other day I was skeptical. I tried to back out a couple of times and Ben was not happy about it. I was worried about E not sleeping, eating dirt, getting bit and getting West Nile or something. You know, crazy-first-time-mom-stuff.

Two Fridays ago, we began yet another new sleeping technique. We did the normal bath, cuddle, jammies, lotions, etc. routine, I nursed her for about thirty minutes and we put her in her crib. She cried. We let her cry for five minutes, went in, soothed her, patted, sung, etc. and repeat. I can't remember all the days and nights and how they went down but after a few nights of doing this at bedtime and a couple nights of not running right into her room when she fussed in the middle of the night, she was sleeping 8-10 hour stretches. Whatintheworld? Whoisthisbaby? We had in in our minds that if we went right in, got her before she was all the way awake that she would always go back down easier. Well, turns out, as of now, if we give her some time, she may put herself back to sleep. Go ahead and think it all you moms out there...well, duh, I could have told you this! I guess we had to learn it on our own and be ready to let her cry/fuss a bit.

The reason I mention all this is because she did it while we were camping too! We didn't quite let her cry too much as to not disturb the rest of the campground--which was great because it was full of families with kids and babies--or the other babies at our campsite, but I think all the fresh air, playing, new scenery just wore her our. The second night she slept 10 hours...her her pack and play...in a tent! 

So awesome.

Anyway, we had a great time, it was nice being close to home in case we thought we needed to rush home, it was great to be able to head out after Ben got off work on Friday, and it was beautiful weather. We arrived Friday night, made dinner, put the babies down, got to sit by the fire for a bit, hiked Saturday morning, had lunch went down to the river, dinner and fire Saturday night and packed up and headed home Sunday morning.

I am so happy and thankful--I think Ben was even more so than me--that it all worked out. I am by no means a negative person, but since becoming a mom, I think I can get myself worked up about all the negative or difficult situations we could encounter on such excursions and that can lead me to just not want to do them all together.

Very glad I busted out of that and we survived Eleanor's first camping trip, survived it well and are eager to do it again!

My Own 6 Month Celebration

Three days ago I smiled and shared a snapshot of E on Instagram and Facebook as well as texted a picture to the grandparents because she turned 6 months old. {6 month post to come} As exciting as it is that my baby has been with us for 6 months, I was also celebrating 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding my little one.

Before we began our breastfeeding journey I would have never thought that continuing would be cause for me to feel proud of myself and my baby. I know it's not for everyone and some people have too many issues to continue or it's physically impossible and that's fine; I am not trying to start a debate about any of this or make anyone feel bad. However, it is important to me and I take pride in the fact that for half a year I have given my daughter all the nourishment she needs.

It has not been easy. We had some challenges in the beginning, it is always tiring and a bit time consuming and we may even be up against thrush at this point but...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess I may sound a bit like I'm tooting my own horn here which I kind of am--so I can look back later and know this little feeling of accomplishment. The emotions that have come with breastfeeding were definitely not expected. I did expect to feel the extreme closeness with the baby and those types of feelings but a lot of times I have felt stress, exhaustion, frustration and many more. I have learned also to deal with and understand that these are all normal feelings and that I am not a bad mom for feeling any of these feelings. My amazing husband has helped me through a lot of these emotions, bless his sweet heart. He has put up with a lot from me and all of these feelings and he always reassures me that it is okay to feel overwhelmed at times. I think even he has been very surprised with all that breastfeeding brings with it.

My daughter also does not take a bottle. I learned to be fine with that too. It really isn't that big of a deal. I guess sometimes it would be nice to be able to plan out an outing a little better but we are getting better at doing that too. So basically, feeding E on the go is quite easy too. I don't have to bring anything along, no mixing or warming which is quite convenient. I learned to accept the fact that although the days and nights may seem endless right now sometimes, this is all just such a short phase that we will fondly look back on and wish it hadn't gone so quickly.

Breastfeeding is an amazing thing and I didn't realize how committed I would be to it and our continuing success and mother and daughter {and father, really, let's face it, it's about all of us!}. I am still in amazement that my daughter has gained about 10 pounds since being born 6 months ago and that is all because of my body. Cuh-razy.

So, onward we go and will continue for as long as we can and for that I am thankful. Again, thankful for a husband who works hard and for our life that we tried so hard to set up for me to be able to be at home and nurse around the clock. I am also thankful for finding the La Leche League in our area and for the women who are willing to share tips, advice and their company.

Being Wished my First "Happy Mother's Day"

I have been a mother for about five and a half months now. But something about my own mother wishing me Happy Mother's Day was very surreal. And then my grandmother wished me Happy Mother's Day. I've never been a person that is a stickler for big celebrations on the specific day but obviously I was aware that this day was a little extra special because it was my first mother's day. 


I finally realize that it is true what they say: "You can't understand a parents' love until you are a parent yourself." Or something along those lines. This thought has resonated with me ever since I had Eleanor. I have always, always, known my parents love me more than life. Or so they would say. But now that I have my own baby, I can feel it. 


So everyday, I learn a little more about what it is to be a mother.

On my first mother's day I was made to feel very special. First of all, I woke up at 5am to Eleanor making some noise after being asleep for eight hours. Thank you for the Mother's Day gift, my dear!

My husband made me breakfast which we enjoyed at the table as a family.

My grandparents stopped by on their way to a brunch and gave me a nice tomato plant.

We chatted with Ben's family on the computer and wished my mother in law a happy day and they did so for me.

We went for a walk as a family on which Eleanor actually took a nap. Her napping on walks has been hit or miss lately.


We cleaned up and headed over to my parents' for the rest of the afternoon on a beautiful PNW day. About 80 degrees and beautiful. Eleanor got to try out her pool, we all relaxed, ate good food and spent quality time together. It was nice because all day long I never felt rushed to do anything, I let myself relax, let others enjoy Eleanor and ate a huge portion of the yummy salmon, prawns, pasta and fruit salads for dinner. Lately, my appetite is insatiable. 

It really wasn't about the breakfast in bed. Being waited on hand and foot. Getting really nice gifts. Maybe down the road when E is a little older and understands that she is making breakfast for me or knows that she is helping me out but this day was more about celebrating my new role. 

As a mom. And loving every minute of it.

Thank you to my husband, family and of course Baby E for making my first Mother's Day as a mother a memorable one. 

A Couple of Mom Milestones

I guess the ol' blog keeps getting away from me as for some reason my days fly by. It sounds weird, and some of them seem rather long, but before I know it, I am cooking dinner and Ben is walking through the door. A wise friend said to me the other day: The days are long and the years are short. We haven't made it a year, yet, in this whole parenting saga, but I already know what that means.

Anyway, we had a couple of fun/new things happen in the past month that I wanted to document. I kind of wrote about going out and about with Eleanor back in February and I can assure you, I am definitely better now. I think it all just has to do with gaining confidence, getting used to having to take a million things along with us and everything taking triple the amount of time it used to. That's okay though.

Eleanor and I went out to lunch a couple of times. Once with my mom and once with a friend and her nephew. Both times she sat in her carseat the whole time, looking around, smiling and just being content. It was great. Well, a couple of weekends ago we went to Ben's basketball game which was on a Sunday afternoon and after that our group of friends had decided to go get some drinks and food after the game. We ended up at a pizzeria by the University of Washington which was actually perfect because when we got there, no one was there. At first E was great, looking around, sitting in my lap and playing with some toys. The place began to fill but I felt at ease because at almost every table there were either kids or babies. Very family friendly. As it filled, it got pretty warm as well. We got through our salads and our dinners had just come and E started to melt down. Ben walked outside with her and she immediately calmed down. He came back in, sat for a few minutes and she just wasn't having it. So I took her and Ben finished his dinner. Outside, she was happy as a clam, talking, smiling and resting her head on my shoulder. I think she just got a little overwhelmed.

This was a good outing for us because although it did not go perfectly {which, let's be honest here, what ever will in our lives now that we have a baby in tow?!} it went. I did not feel embarrassed that Eleanor was crying. I didn't feel anxious. I wasn't "angry" that I was "missing out" on dinner or visiting with friends. We just dealt with the situation. It may not be what works next time in the same instance but at that moment, that was what was working so that's what we did. I felt good driving home {even though she cried in the car} and felt just a little more confident about being a mommy.

Last week, for some reason, felt a little bit long by Friday morning. Eleanor and I had been home all week and even with a few visitors were feeling a little cooped up.  I had been looking on Old Navy's website and had seen a few cute baby clothes. So, instead of ordering them online {you know, like a true hermit would do...which I am totally not...}, I decided E and I could make the 20 minute drive to our nearest Old Navy. When I pulled up to the mall, she was still awake so I puller her out of her carseat, slipped her into the Ergo and went on our merry way. We wandered around the store, E was content and I felt good. She was close to falling asleep when we left the store so she fell asleep once we got in the car. My first solo shopping trip with my daughter. I think that's a milestone in any mom's book!

I know, some may look at me and think I am weird. Or a scaredy-cat or whatever other words you can use to describe a first-time mom who is hesitant to do a lot of things but I feel as if I am doing what works for us.  And, although it probably sounds silly to some, every little milestone we hit, makes me feel good. And like a mom.

5 Months

Dear Miss Eleanor Grace,

You continue to amaze us everyday. It is so hard to keep up because it just feels like everyday you do something new whether it's a little squint you do with your eyes or a big roll from your back to your belly.

That's right, you became a roller this month. It actually happened on a morning after I awoke to a giant "present" in your diaper for me, dog puke on the rug when we came out to the living room and then as I set you on the floor, turned for a moment, turned back around and you rolled from you back to your belly with little effort. It looked like you had always been able to do it! I felt like I was having a heart attack, I was so excited. I can only imagine what I will feel like as you complete more and more milestones.

Your personality continues to shine through and it seems you may be starting to figure out a little bit of a courtesy/fake laugh. It is pretty funny. You are happy most of the time. Evening still continues to be your most unnerved time but even that is mellowing out. You still continue to love bath time and you even sit up in the infant/toddler end sometimes not just the reclined position. You are getting stronger sitting up and are gaining more balance. I think you prefer to sit up with assistance these days as opposed to laying on your back. When you roll onto your stomach it seems that you get a little frustrated because it looks like you want to go somewhere!

You are wearing mostly six month clothes. I think I have said this before but clothes are very weird and all fit differently so it is hard to pinpoint one size.

We have tried a couple of cups this month. It is my fault for not being consistent enough because that means pumping breastmilk which I don't do much of. We tried some out of the freezer but didn't think that was the best idea. You seem interested in the straw so that is encouraging and hopefully that motivates me to pump more so you can continue to learn to use the straw.

You are still having a little bit of unhappy time in the car. You seem fine on the way to wherever we are going but no matter how long we are at a destination, whether you've eaten and had a diaper change, but you are not happy on the way home. You visited your first few restaurants this month. Once with Oma and I for lunch, once with a friend, her nephew and I for lunch and once with Dad, our group of friends and I for dinner.

You have noticed that you have a built in best friend around the house--the dog. You watch her whenever she is in the room and even laugh at her. You love being on your stomach and looking up at her and talking to her. I think Holly will be more interested in you once you start moving around and sharing some meals with her!

All in all, E, you are a joy. We just continue to smile and laugh with you and chomp at the bit everyday to teach you, love you and kiss on you.

We love you so much, pretty baby girl.

Xoxo,
Mama

So, About Working Out...

I am totally not trying to make excuses. Things just happen.

I was doing so well for about 4 weeks with walking and doing P90X. Then my chronic back issue flared up. Without getting into too much detail about that, let's just say it put me out of "working out" commission and I haven't really gotten back into it. That was about two weeks ago. I am still having some back irritation so I am a little nervous to do any P90X. I have gone on a few walks here and there.

However, I am realizing that although there are the moms that get right out there the minute they walk out of their 6 week postpardum visit, there are way more that don't. There are way more that start working out when they feel right, or when they can get their workouts in and don't really fret about it.

I see so many moms, my real life friends and blog friends, that find themselves 6 or 8 months postpardum just starting to feel a little more normal. I also think that being a first time mom, my whole world has been turned upside down. Just finding time to grab something to eat is sometimes hard for me.

I also think that breastfeeding and working out is proving to be a little difficult. Breastfeeding is...time consuming. Yes, I knew that going in but the actual execution of it is a bit of a wake up call. So, after I have nursed my baby to sleep for a nap, it is hard to want to put her down and get up and at it. Also with breastfeeding comes the whole crazy, huge appetite issue. It's hard to find the perfect time to workout when, oh the baby is napping but I feel the need to stuff my face right now because I am feeding another human. 


Anyway.

As I said, I am not making excuses I am just realizing that it's hard. And I know the time will come when it's nicer weather and I can put E in the stroller and make her part of my workouts and yes, I am looking forward to that, however, I am not stressing about it.

The Reality of It

I was talking to my close friend yesterday who has two sons. She has always thought she was going to have a third child but now she says she is on the fence. There were reasons that she told me and then unfortunately, I brought up the one that none of us likes to admit is kind of a legitimate reason to stop expanding the family.

Money.

It is a family's choice how children will be raised. Going to daycare. At home with mom. At home with a baby-sitter. At home with some other family member. There are obviously  multiple ways to choose how your family brings in money and who spends the days with the kids.

For many families, the choice is for the wife to stay home and the husband to go to work. For my friend and I, this is what our families have chosen. However, it makes things a little tight around the spending area. Not saying that two-income families have things easy by any means but this is the subject that we got on. With the way our economy is these days, it is hard to fathom having a big family and being able to live on one income.

It then brings me to the question of: Why do we want a lot of kids or a bigger family?


I grew up with one sibling and Ben grew up with two. I think I always liked the idea of maybe having another sibling or two. I don't know why I just did. So growing up, I thought I would have four kids. I think Ben always liked that idea too. After having our first child, we have realized many challenges with a baby that I think we didn't expect but all that aside, the reality of one income and the cost of raising children has reared it's ugly head.

This realization makes me sad. I don't think a reason for not having as many children as you like should be money. I do think there are ways to make it work but it takes sacrifice somewhere. If we want Ben to be in a position of many long work hours I think we know ways and where he can fit in to make a hefty salary to support us. However, we want a dad that is present for our family and not one that we see every once and awhile. We have always been very clear about that.

My friend and I were just commiserating on the fact that we don't want money to be a reason to stop having babies, but in reality, I think that is a reason. It is sad and scary how much life costs these days. But it is what it is and we all get by somehow. We are so fortunate for what we do have and thankful to be stay at home moms with husbands willing to support us and our family choices. Whether she has one more and whether I have one, two or three more, is obviously up in the air and will work itself out but it doesn't hurt to look into the future a bit and try to see what lies ahead.

But, hey, anytime this economic downturn wants to upturn would be just dandy!

Peep, Peep

We brought home our new family members on April 14th. I call them family members because everything we read says they will end up like pets. I sure hope so, they are pretty funny.

We have been talking about getting some laying hens since last year. In fact, Ben went so far as to build a chicken coop last year. Then we found out I was pregnant, Ben had about a month and a half of straight travelling for work so we decided it may not be the best time for me to have to be caring for chicks by myself. I am a little disappointed now knowing what we know that we didn't just get 'em last year. We could have been enjoying eggs for months now!

I think we kept getting a little nervous because everything we read acts like they are really high maintenance in the beginning but so far so good. They are living in the garage in a big storage tub with a heat lamp. They seem pretty happy. We are really amazed at how fast they are growing and how quickly their feathers are coming in.

I have to admit I have been a little hands off thus far. I have held them a couple of times. Changed the water. However, I hadn't dealt much with the poop until last night.

Ben was holding E so I was on farm duty. As a family we walked around and watered the garden, that Ben planted this weekend,  and then headed out to check on the chicks. Well, even though I had given them fresh water in the morning, they had managed to fill the water again with shavings and there was quite a bit of poop in their food. Again. So it was up to me. I had to scoop the poop. Ben was making fun of me because I wasn't too into touching it. I was more into scooping with the garden shovel, which he informed me is way more wasteful of the food and takes wys too long. "You're gonna have to get a lot more used to poop than that, honey," he let me know.

Hey, Ben, you got the animal poo, I got the human poo. Aka, our daughter's. Wait, a sec, don't get me wrong, I love when you help with poopy dipes. Oy, guess I'll be helping with the chicken poo too.

Five Minute Friday

Our world has basically been turned upside down. This baby stuff is hard. Our morning routine, our nightly routine, heck, the midday routine--it's all different. Different, good, yes, but still different.

I love my baby with all my heart. She is such a reminder of life. Good, pure, clean, innocent life.

A midst all this chaos of our new world is my husband. We are so steadfast and rock solid. It's funny when you are dating someone because you know there is always a possibility of breaking up. Then you are engaged and it feels more permanent. But still not sealed. Then you are married and it's permanent.

Then you add kids to the mix and it's REALLY permanent.

Our family is whole. We are permanent. With all the change that goes on we are together.

And for that I am so thankful.

Everyday, all day. Even if my routine has changed.

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