It's Me Again

I have a friend who had her baby almost exactly 6 months ahead of when I did. It was nice to chat with her about things, relate to things she was experiencing a little bit before me and then when I got to that point even be able to have her go back and say, "oh yes, that happened to me/us too."

I distinctly remember her telling me that she did not feel "normal" until her baby was about six months old. I kept holding onto that through those hard, grueling, tiresome first few months. All the way up until six months. I didn't feel it. I still wasn't normal. I held out a few more months and then I brought it up to her. She replied with well, yes, I thought it was true but it wasn't until about nine months.

I kept holding out. There would be better days than others. However, I still wasn't myself. I would complain about it. I knew it. I knew I was crazy, emotional, hormonal and overwhelmed, I just didn't know what to do about it.

Fast forward again to Eleanor's birthday party and my friend and I were talking again. Oh, Allyce, she said, you really don't feel like yourself again until about 15 months old. 15 months?! Well, that was a far cry from her original 6 month mark and then her 9 month mark. But I laughed and agreed and scolded her for giving me these false hopes. Not really but we did laugh.

The other night we got together, our four couples of friends, without kids and her and I were chatting again. We were talking about her friend who is now in those early months with a three month old and she was telling her that it is all just really weird. A weird time, weird experiences, feeling weird and all that.

We had a great day as a family yesterday complete with a family nap, a walk and a good dinner. I was joking around being my quirky self and Ben was laughing. I turned to him and said, "Hey, isn't this the Allyce you like?" and he replied with, "Ya, she just took a break for awhile and gave all her goodness to her," and pointed down to Eleanor. I totally took that as a compliment.

Over this past year plus I have given my all to Eleanor. It has left little to no time for myself. And what I wasn't giving to Eleanor I was trying to give to my husband. I finally am getting to the point where I feel like I am back. So, these bench marks of when we feel normal again as mothers are different for everyone and for some it is just a new normal to get used to. I also feel like it is easier now that Eleanor is to the point where she can be a little more independent playing while I make dinner or able to quietly ride in her stroller while I run. I also don't feel a panic come over when I do leave her for a few hours or even overnight. All of this is okay and I know it is a good balance to be a mom but also to be me and be a wife.

Will I do everything the exact same with a second baby? I can't say. I will always be a mom that does what feels right for us at the time. Have I learned a few things on this first go around? Well, you betcha. I have also learned that it is okay if I am not doing the exact same thing as every other mother out there. Eleanor is my baby and I am her mother. That's really all that matters even if it did take me almost 15 months to get back to that quirky self of mine.

Go ahead and link up with Becky to share what's on your heart today.

{Kind of} Wordless Wednesday

Some Most days...

I can't believe she's mine.

The First One is Always the Hardest, Right?

Okay, yes I am probably beating a dead horse but I do feel that accountability from others helps immensely when working out and trying to get fit. Or eating right. Or even trying to quit a bad habit.

So I'm going to talk about it.

I am hoping to do the Color Run in May with a group of girls and, I know, if I had all the time in the world and could run whenever I wanted I would have no problem achieving that goal. However, I have a little shadow in the form of a 30" tall 14 month old that can sometimes put a damper on the workout front. I want to stop letting that be an excuse. I told my brother I wanted to do this and he asked what my goal is. I want to run the whole time. I know run can be a loose term but I just don't want to, at any point, feel like I am walking. So, then they told me about this run at the end of April that you get a doughnut at the finish. Well, I looove me some doughnuts! I may look into that one as well.

Anyhow. He sent me my workout today and I strapped E into the Bob, told her to be a good little running partner and she was. Me, however, I was a kind of embarrassing running partner. I was huffing and puffing and barely lifting my legs because they felt like they weighed about ten pounds each! Mind you, I am down pretty far in weight but I am out. of. shape. The bro sent me a walk/run 20 minute workout which I picture to be similar to what the C25k is. So it was good, I completed it. I just felt like I was going to die.

Mind you all. I don't know if a 45 degree, damp day, pushing my 22 lb. babe was probably the best idea. Oh well, I figure it can't get much more challenging from there, right?!

I am happy to have started the road. It could be a long road. But that's okay. I'll get there. I think for awhile I was using every excuse in the book to not work out. I'm tired. I have no time. I'm always nursing. I have no time. I'll probably get pregnant again this year so what's the use in getting in shape if I'm going to gain weight again?

Well. While all of those excuses comforted me for about a year I finally realized, OH WELL! So what if I'm tired, working out or a little exercise gives me a little more energy and helps me sleep better at night. Time? Give me 20 minutes and I can accomplish some sort of body movement. I am still nursing but only at bedtime so that has helped in that area. And pregnancy?! Pshhh, if I do, I do and then I'll be one step ahead in a healthy pregnancy!

So there we have it. Day 1 of the road to a 5K for this mama.

Do You Yoga?

I mentioned in my last post how Ben got me some yoga classes for Christmas. I have always wanted to like yoga but have never really gotten into it. I did a few Bikram classes when I was in college which I really liked but then fell away from because I couldn't justify the cost. Over the years I have done a video here or there, or some On Demand stuff but never really stuck with it. 

Well.

Going to classes has been so great. I have yet to go to a hot yoga class at this gym, but the regular classes I have been going to have been great, mind-clearing and really just what I need to each week. I have really allowed myself to, I know this sounds so yoga-ish, but to clear my mind and just be in the moment with my body. It is an hour to myself where I can just focus on my body and what is going on. I have never been at a point in my life like I am now where I feel like I have a lot of noise. Do you know what I mean? Just like, always having to get something done, take care of something/someone, catch up on this or that. I am so glad my husband did this for me and so glad I am actually taking the time to enjoy it. 

I have only been three times but I am hoping to up it to twice a week since I have only been managing to make it to one. It sounds so silly, even to me, but I can tell such a difference throughout the rest of the day that I had gone to class. 

I think it also helps I am doing a few other things here or there, just 20-30 minutes a day in my living room to strengthen my body. I definitely lost all the baby weight but with that and nursing, I also have managed to lose a lot of muscle with basically no working out over the past year. There have been a few weeks here or there where I get into kicks but I hope this yoga is longer than a kick. I hope that these ten classes really give me that jump start that I need and that whether I keep going to class, which I definitely hope to do because there is just something to be said for getting out of the house and spending time for myself, or just get a good video that I like, I really hope to keep going because--it just feels good to feel good.

Almost February?!

What a couple of months we have had. December came and went in a hurry with Eleanor's first birthday, a trip to San Antonio for ten days over Christmas and back to Washington to ring in the New Year!

Oh yes, her hair is still wild.

We were home for a couple of weeks in January and then my mom, E and I took off for sunny Arizona to spend a week at my aunt's house. Yes, we sadly left Dad behind to work and even though it was very hard to be away and hard for him to not have his girls home, it seemed like it was for the best because was putting in some ridiculous hours. Oh, the life of a CPA.

Hopefully he is on the downswing of things and we can get back into our groove around here.

Travelling with a baby was, yes, I really am going to admit this--not as horrendous as I had anticipated. Of all the four flights there was only one that was super challenging and of course it was the longest flight that was oh, so perfectly right around her bedtime. Although there was no endless screaming, thankfully, she was just a squirmy, tired mess. Ah, well, we survived and apparently it wasn't too hard because we did it again!

This girl, I tell ya, is just amazing. I can't believe how quickly the time is flying by and how much she grows and changes everyday. She is such a toddler now and although I still see her as my baby, she proves daily that she is moving at a fast rate into toddler-hood and being such a big girl.

She is beginning to say quite a few words. She definitely mimics everything. Her words right now include:
mama {or mostly, mum}
dada
nigh nigh
mah {more}
beh {bird}
buh {book}
bah {bath}
ah-pa {Opa}
di-puh {diaper}

I know, I know, most of these just look like different sounds, but I want to remember how well she was associating her words with actual things and differentiating sounds. And, I'm her mom, right? So I speak her language fluently. Or at least I try.

On the personal front, I have really started to make an effort at working out. My brother has been sending me workouts so that if I can magically get E to stay in her crib for at least thirty minutes of her nap, I can get something accomplished. It is amazing what just a quick twenty minutes of abs and strength can do. Ben also got me ten yoga classes for Christmas of which I can use for regular or hot yoga. I always thought I was partial to hot yoga, but I have been to two regular and it turns out I love it too! I can also use the gym on days that I go in for a class so I will see about that. It is really amazing how much better I feel when I get a little alone time or do something active.

My one, main goal for the year, no I am not calling it a resolution, is to meal plan. I am usually good at stocking up on groceries and try to get good deals, but then once five o clock is all of a sudden upon us, funny how that happens everyday, I draw a blank as to what to throw together. So, we end up eating a lot of the same meals on a semi-regular rotation. Well, I have had it with that and am trying to get better. Even if it's searching through the cabinets and freezer at the beginning of the week, I want to write down each day what we will have so I don't have to think about it. I also want to go through the 14,000 3 magazine subscriptions my grandma has gotten me {well, I actually get three separate and then the same one three times. How's that math for ya?} and try some new recipes. I like simple recipes that use pretty standard ingredients so that's what I look for.

So that's what's up. Not too much detail but a little update. I need to get back here. I still love following along with all my regular reads and I do try to comment when I'm on the regular computer but unfortunately I still do a lot of blog reading on my phone. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that is to come in 2013! ;)

Quiet Moments are the Best

I have definitely talked about how E is not the best napper. Lately I have been really good about trying to nurse her and then lay her in her crib. She used to not have any part of that at all so it became hard for me to want to try and I would just let her lay, sleeping and nursing.

Today she started to get tired so we quieted down our playing and headed into her room for me to nurse her and lay her down. Which, again, sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. She was sleeping, I tried to lay her down and she wasn't having it. Tried to soothe her while she was laying down, she quieted a little and then started crying again. It was the kind of cry that I just knew she wasn't going to sleep so I picked her up and tried a new method a friend told Ben about and Ben relayed to me. Just holding her tight and not letting her squirm as best we can while she is trying to fight sleep. It worked yesterday so I wanted to try again! Well, that wasn't working either so I flipped her around and she laid her head right down on my shoulder and fell asleep.

I sat down in the chair and when I knew she was really asleep I almost got up to lay her in the crib but I thought twice about it. I thought, okay, I have been pretty good about laying her in her crib lately and she is doing way better than she used to. I also thought, when does she ever sleep on my chest anymore?!

So right then and there, I got comfortable and she stayed asleep for an hour right on my chest.

I didn't have my phone by my side, there was no TV in the background (which isn't normally the case anyway), and no distractions. Just me and my girl, quiet, in the dark, snuggling.

It is so easy to get caught up in what I need to get done during the rare occasion that she does lay in her crib and nap for any length of time but I am so glad I took that second thought today and cherished it. I know that no matter what I will look back at this time and know it went by in the blink of an eye so I know that when I have that feeling of just needing the closeness, I just need to soak it right up.

Maybe that's what she was trying to tell me, anyway, by not wanting to be in her crib for that nap. Just needed some extra Mama snuggles.

Friday Letters

Dear FOUR day weekend: I love you. Yes, Hub has today through Monday off. Super exciting. We actually have plans, too! Dear New Phone: I think I will learn to love you. I am not too tech-savvy so it will take some getting used to but I think we will grow to become dear friends. Dear Baby Sleeping on My Chest: You are so warm and cuddly and I never want you to stop! Dear Holly: I am sorry we haven't been very good dog parents lately. We are trying, really. I hope you know that Eleanor will be your best friend soon enough and I promise that you will have all the attention you can handle soon enough. In the meantime, I promise to try and get you out more. Dear Chickens: I cannot believe how much you have grown. Also, it is fun for us to create little personalities for all of you. There are some tendencies that all of you have that lead us to create these personas. Don't worry, we aren't crazy. Dear Costco: Why do you always rob us of all our money? We go in with a list and within 2.5 seconds of being in the door, the list is thrown by the wayside and our cart is full of items that were not on our list. We are weak to your forces, I tell you. Dear BBQ: Gosh, I love your ways. Love the char you put on my food, the scent you give off while cooking it and the ease and quick clean-up you provide.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Hope you all enjoy!

{linking to:}

A Spontaneous Outing

Last Friday afternoon, E and I stopped by my best friend's house. She has an eight month old and a four year old, both boys. The baby was making noise, the little boy was running around and she kind of looked around and said, "We need to do a girls' breakfast. How about this weekend? I need a break from this!" I kind of laughed and said yes that would be fun.

We had tried to do this for a few consecutive weekends a few months back but it never ended up working out. She invited another good friend of ours but she had to work. I woke up to a text from my friend at about 7:30am Saturday morning saying, I'm ready when you are. I always talk myself out of leaving the baby, of getting out of the house, of timing out the feedings properly so this morning I didn't do any of that. I got dressed, let the hub know the plan and waited until Eleanor was hungry, fed her and then texted my friend. She came, picked me up and we went.

It was a beautiful morning and the place we picked for breakfast was really quaint. It is in a town close to ours but neither of us had ever been for breakfast. We ordered big breakfasts, took our time, visited and relaxed. This girl has been my friend since about third grade so we go way back. She was my maid of honor and I will be in her wedding next year. We have been there for all the big milestones of our lives. In fact, I was laying in be last night, or rather after our morning feeding this morning, thinking of some words to use in a speech at her wedding. 

She went out of state for college but it seemed like our bond strengthened after that. We just always kept in touch. Even if we got busy and didn't talk for a couple weeks, it never mattered. It still doesn't. 

Even though both of us are busy with babies, families, partners and many other life situations we know we can always connect somehow. We used to just pick up and go wherever together, in the car listening to music, head to the mall, to get coffee-- all those fun things young gals do but these days it isn't quite that simple. But that's ok. 

A simple, Saturday morning breakfast was just what we needed.

A Couple of Mom Milestones

I guess the ol' blog keeps getting away from me as for some reason my days fly by. It sounds weird, and some of them seem rather long, but before I know it, I am cooking dinner and Ben is walking through the door. A wise friend said to me the other day: The days are long and the years are short. We haven't made it a year, yet, in this whole parenting saga, but I already know what that means.

Anyway, we had a couple of fun/new things happen in the past month that I wanted to document. I kind of wrote about going out and about with Eleanor back in February and I can assure you, I am definitely better now. I think it all just has to do with gaining confidence, getting used to having to take a million things along with us and everything taking triple the amount of time it used to. That's okay though.

Eleanor and I went out to lunch a couple of times. Once with my mom and once with a friend and her nephew. Both times she sat in her carseat the whole time, looking around, smiling and just being content. It was great. Well, a couple of weekends ago we went to Ben's basketball game which was on a Sunday afternoon and after that our group of friends had decided to go get some drinks and food after the game. We ended up at a pizzeria by the University of Washington which was actually perfect because when we got there, no one was there. At first E was great, looking around, sitting in my lap and playing with some toys. The place began to fill but I felt at ease because at almost every table there were either kids or babies. Very family friendly. As it filled, it got pretty warm as well. We got through our salads and our dinners had just come and E started to melt down. Ben walked outside with her and she immediately calmed down. He came back in, sat for a few minutes and she just wasn't having it. So I took her and Ben finished his dinner. Outside, she was happy as a clam, talking, smiling and resting her head on my shoulder. I think she just got a little overwhelmed.

This was a good outing for us because although it did not go perfectly {which, let's be honest here, what ever will in our lives now that we have a baby in tow?!} it went. I did not feel embarrassed that Eleanor was crying. I didn't feel anxious. I wasn't "angry" that I was "missing out" on dinner or visiting with friends. We just dealt with the situation. It may not be what works next time in the same instance but at that moment, that was what was working so that's what we did. I felt good driving home {even though she cried in the car} and felt just a little more confident about being a mommy.

Last week, for some reason, felt a little bit long by Friday morning. Eleanor and I had been home all week and even with a few visitors were feeling a little cooped up.  I had been looking on Old Navy's website and had seen a few cute baby clothes. So, instead of ordering them online {you know, like a true hermit would do...which I am totally not...}, I decided E and I could make the 20 minute drive to our nearest Old Navy. When I pulled up to the mall, she was still awake so I puller her out of her carseat, slipped her into the Ergo and went on our merry way. We wandered around the store, E was content and I felt good. She was close to falling asleep when we left the store so she fell asleep once we got in the car. My first solo shopping trip with my daughter. I think that's a milestone in any mom's book!

I know, some may look at me and think I am weird. Or a scaredy-cat or whatever other words you can use to describe a first-time mom who is hesitant to do a lot of things but I feel as if I am doing what works for us.  And, although it probably sounds silly to some, every little milestone we hit, makes me feel good. And like a mom.

Saturday Warm Fuzzies

Do you ever have those moments you just want to savor?

I had one at about 3am this morning.

I was rocking my baby after she had her feeding and was resting my cheek against her soft hair--or she was resting her head against my cheek. either way, we were resting on each other--my eyes were closed, I breathed deeply and thanked God for this beautiful blessing.

I am always thankful for her but in this moment, I prayed that she stay this sweet, healthy, and happy for as long as I have anything to do with it.

I held her a couple extra moments longer, set her back down, crawled back in bed and curled up next to my husband.

It was a beautiful and peaceful 3am wake-up where I got to savor my many blessings.

Happy Weekending, friends.

The Reality of It

I was talking to my close friend yesterday who has two sons. She has always thought she was going to have a third child but now she says she is on the fence. There were reasons that she told me and then unfortunately, I brought up the one that none of us likes to admit is kind of a legitimate reason to stop expanding the family.

Money.

It is a family's choice how children will be raised. Going to daycare. At home with mom. At home with a baby-sitter. At home with some other family member. There are obviously  multiple ways to choose how your family brings in money and who spends the days with the kids.

For many families, the choice is for the wife to stay home and the husband to go to work. For my friend and I, this is what our families have chosen. However, it makes things a little tight around the spending area. Not saying that two-income families have things easy by any means but this is the subject that we got on. With the way our economy is these days, it is hard to fathom having a big family and being able to live on one income.

It then brings me to the question of: Why do we want a lot of kids or a bigger family?


I grew up with one sibling and Ben grew up with two. I think I always liked the idea of maybe having another sibling or two. I don't know why I just did. So growing up, I thought I would have four kids. I think Ben always liked that idea too. After having our first child, we have realized many challenges with a baby that I think we didn't expect but all that aside, the reality of one income and the cost of raising children has reared it's ugly head.

This realization makes me sad. I don't think a reason for not having as many children as you like should be money. I do think there are ways to make it work but it takes sacrifice somewhere. If we want Ben to be in a position of many long work hours I think we know ways and where he can fit in to make a hefty salary to support us. However, we want a dad that is present for our family and not one that we see every once and awhile. We have always been very clear about that.

My friend and I were just commiserating on the fact that we don't want money to be a reason to stop having babies, but in reality, I think that is a reason. It is sad and scary how much life costs these days. But it is what it is and we all get by somehow. We are so fortunate for what we do have and thankful to be stay at home moms with husbands willing to support us and our family choices. Whether she has one more and whether I have one, two or three more, is obviously up in the air and will work itself out but it doesn't hurt to look into the future a bit and try to see what lies ahead.

But, hey, anytime this economic downturn wants to upturn would be just dandy!

Happy Family

I really can't put into words how great our last 9 days were. We had Ben home and it was just perfect. Some may say we are boring because we do anything or go anywhere, but truthfully, we did just what we wanted: Stayed home, enjoyed our girl and enjoyed each other. We haven't had that much time all together since the peanut was born and then it was pretty much just survival mode.

Each day we got into a little routine, sleeping in as much as the babe allowed, making meals, playing with the girl, exercising, and getting a few chores done around the house.

The strength of mine and Ben's relationship has really shined through over the past year. I would say the past four months but really it has been since we learned I was pregnant. It is funny to look back over the course of our relationship and see where we are now because we started out dating as sophomores in college. Who could have seen then where we would be now?! It really is amazing how much we grow and change and it is so fun to do it together. I am so blessed to have a man who is so involved in every aspect of my life and now our daughter's life. He is so supportive and we are such a good balance. Things he may not know as much about or isn't as sure of he lets me take the reigns and vice versa. If either of us have a concern, we like to voice it right away. Even if a conversation starts out defensive on one end, it ends up being a healthy conversation and ends with understanding on both ends.

I guess the reason I am reflecting on this is because we had so much time together last week and got to see each other day to day in our new roles as Mom and Dad in addition to husband and wife. I also pointed out to Ben that in addition to all of our responsibilities to Eleanor, a huge one we have to her is showing her a strong, healthy marriage and relationship. Ben looked at me and said, "Yeah, I mean the way I treat you is going to show her how a man should treat her." Exactly my thoughts, Husband. She is a lucky girl because her dad treats her mom pretty dang well.

Source: Uploaded by user via Allyce on Pinterest

So much more about life becomes clear and things that didn't seem like a big deal before are a big deal now because we are the example for our sweet babe. That is a huge deal! However, there are many other things that used to be a big deal that aren't anymore. For instance, I think when Hub and I started dating sophomore year, many of our arguments are definitely not things we would argue about today.

Living, learning and loving day by day. I am just a lucky, happy Mama and Wife to have such a wonderful husband and daughter to be on this adventure with.

A Bit of Catching Up

Holy Moly. Where have I been?! No idea. Nothing new. Tending to my home and the baby. Obviously not blogging. I was so proud of myself in the month of February pertaining to the blog but then I kind of fell out of my routine in the month of March.

The month of March has been spent (pretty much unsuccessfully) trying to get Eleanor on a napping schedule. That could be why I haven't gotten a post written. Her reaction to getting laid down in her crib for a nap pretty much alerts the neighborhood that we are very certainly torturing her. She falls asleep in our arms, we walk around, we lay her down and she won't have it. At night, we still swaddle, nurse, rock and lay her down and she is perfectly fine. Anyway, long story short, she is napping in her swing. Not ideal, but at least she is sleeping for some lengths of time during the day.

Husband has been off work for the rest of his paternity leave. One word: awesome. It is so nice that he got two weeks of leave and only had to use one week of it in December. When he used that week coupled with the holidays and such, we were in such a daze, trying to keep our heads above water with our newborn that it just flew by. Now, with our almost four month old, we are basically enjoying a stay-cation. It is seriously amazing to me how much faster I get things done around this place with the Hub home. I can bust out chores like the old days, pre-Eleanor. It is also really fun to have Hub around to see all the fun developments that we are seeing with the babe.

We planted some vegetable seeds the other day to start indoors so we will see how that goes. We did it a couple of years ago and it worked ok. Hopefully it will work better this year. Of course our future farmgirl had to be in on the action.

We most certainly enjoyed the first rounds of March Madness last weekend. We both filled out brackets and neither are doing well but that's ok. We just love watching.

We are looking forward to some nicer weather. Who knows when that is coming but I am hopeful. It has basically been just cold, rainy and sometimes windy which is not great for any type of getting out of the house. 

I am getting a little excited because I have been getting the crafting itch again. I have a few simple projects in mind that will mostly consist of using some things around the house which is always exciting.

We have been going to a few of Ben's basketball games on Sunday nights which is fun because he plays with  the guys in our vacation  group so the other babies are there, we all visit, and Eleanor has been doing really well at them. Evenings are usually our "challenging" time with her but the games keep her entertained, distracted and it actually seems like she is watching!

I am also, slowly, trying to get back in shape. It is really hard to convince myself to workout when Eleanor finally goes down for a nap, I am hungry and just want to sit down. But I am going to try. She also inherited a jumper from her cousin (2nd cousin?) which she enjoys so that could start buying me a little bit more time to do things.

Anyway, nothing too exciting around here, just the usual.

But.

Our usual is pretty enjoyable these days.

Still Playing Milk Maid

I wanted to do a little update on my breastfeeding experience. I posted here about the early weeks and I will say it has gotten a million times better.

For some reason I was holding off on seeing a lactation consultant because I just kept thinking that it was going to get better as everyone kept telling me. Well, after many tears, many frustrations and being sick and tired of the pain, I "gave in" and decided it was time to see someone on E's 5 week birthday. I went to our local hospital and had an appointment with a really nice lady. She showed me how to get Eleanor into the football hold and of course, that day, Eleanor latched right on with no problem, there was no pain and she ate straight through and got 3 ounces. She did confirm that I had been dealing with a pretty severe nipple crack and assured me that these techniques should help. I was so happy, thought our problem was solved with this new position and a few tips she gave me and went home. At her next feeding I tried the same thing and could not get it right. I was frustrated again to say the least.

I tried the new position for a few days and could not seem to get it and was still having pain. After a few days of this, I decided this position was just not for me/us at this time and went back to the cross-cradle hold. With the tips the lactation consultant had given me, though, I was able to finally get her latched on properly and my crack began to heal.

Around week 6 I was able to get my baby latched out without pain, without dread and without frustration. I was so thankful.

Here we are at her 11 week birthday and nursing is going well.

We do have a new challenge though. I don't know if she gets distracted, has to go poo, or has some gas but she does really well for about the first 5 minutes of her feeding and then kind of comes off and on for the rest. She doesn't necessarily do this at every feeding but definitely at least once or twice throughout the day.

We are feeding about every 2-3 hours during the day and about every 3-4 hours at night.

I am obviously hoping she will be picking up some longer stretches at night here soon but for now, I am content knowing that she is seeming to get the correct nutrients as she always seems content after she eats whether it be by falling asleep or just coming off on her own.

I still stand by the fact that I love breastfeeding. I am so thankful that I get to be home with her and basically still feed on demand.

I haven't really done much "public" feeding, just mostly at other peoples' houses which I am always comfortable with since it is usually people I am very comfortable with. I don't know how I feel about all the controversy with women feeding in public with no cover. In Seattle I am pretty sure they passed a law that a women can feed in public but has to be covered. Maybe this has already been a law but there has been a lot of talk about it lately. I guess I kind of feel like if a woman is comfortable with feeding in public with no cover, is discreet and doesn't completely expose herself, then why not? It's not like people should be sitting around staring at her!

Another challenge we are having is getting her to always take a bottle of breast milk when we offer it. Like I said I am feeding her a lot of the time but it would be nice to know that she will take a bottle when we want her to. I don't know if we are just not offering it enough {most likely this is the case because I never offer her a bottle when I am home because it is just so much easier to just give her my breast rather than pumping and making a bottle} or if she truly has just built a very strong preference for me. Maybe once she gets a little older and we keep offering she will get better.

All in all, I think we have made some great strides in our breastfeeding adventure. My husband remained very encouraging during the touch parts and was always supportive whether I was crying or just needed a drink of water. {He's still really great about getting the water. Oh, and about tears if there ever are any!}

Our Love Story

In the spirit of the Valentine's holiday I thought I would join in the fun of sharing the story of Ben and I. I came across the link up on I Love You More Than Carrots who linked up with From Mrs. to Mama. I started the blog after we were married so besides bits and pieces here and there, I don't think I have shared any details about the Hub and I and how we came to be. Plus, it's always fun to remember back to those early days of love! Here is the fun little survey she posted:

1. How long have you and your significant other been together? We began dating in October of 2004 so about 7 1/2 years.

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?} Ben and I were neighbors in the dorm beginning our second quarter of freshman year of college. I walked past his room everyday to get to my room and would wave. We began hanging out mostly with his group of friends and a couple of my girlfriends. By the end of freshman year, I was hanging out with those guys practically every weekend. We all parted ways for the summer. Ben is from Texas so he went home to San Antonio for the summer.

On the 4th of July I got a call from Ben. I was surprised since we hadn't talked since school got out but it was fun to say hi and I didn't think anything of it. About a month later, I got another call. I had just had knee surgery so I think I was a little out of it and Ben later told me that I was short with him and not very nice. Whoops!

Sophomore year came and I had moved into an apartment with a girlfriend and Ben had moved into a house with 4 other guys. We ran into each other a couple days before school started and I picked right back up where I left off spending a lot of time hanging out with the group of guys. One day, walking home from the bus, I told my roommate that I thought I liked Ben. I was definitely questioning it though because I no idea if he liked me and I didn't want to ruin any kind of friendship with him or any of the other guys if things didn't work out. We continued to hang out, my feelings grew and then one night we all decided to go to a movie together. Ben apparently thought that this was our "first date" however, I had no idea that was the case because it was me and a few other guys going to a movie. Well, I had been hanging out with my roommates boyfriend before the guys came to pick us up and let's just say we had been indulging a bit in some beverages and I did not put my best foot forward that night. So, I felt pretty stupid after that and a couple of weekends later, a group of us went bowling. 

We were all having a great time and my girlfriend decided to take me aside and told me she had some exciting news. In a really immature, middle-school, girl type fashion mature way she told me that Ben liked me. {Seriously, how awesome were we?! "Liked?" Come on now, we were mature sophomores in college but still getting all giddy over a boy...oh brother!} Anyway, after that I totally let my guard down and started flirting. I think he realized my feelings as well and started flirting back. Well, that night we had our first kiss and after that basically became inseparable. 

I think we did end up spending maybe a little too much time together right away and probably annoyed our roommates quite a bit but I think all of that is so hard to tell when you are just starting to date someone. Looking back we would probably do things a little differently but it obviously worked out alright! ;)

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell} We have been married for 2 1/2 years. We got married in August 2009.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?  If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small? We got married at a little "farm" in a smallish wedding of about 120 friends and family. We then got to take our honeymoon for a few days in Colorado and then headed down to San Antonio for a reception of family and friends there. 

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share! I feel like we used to have more nicknames but they have faded out and there are mostly just a lot of "honeys" and "babes."

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey. I love the way he loves me--strong, sure, without fail and good days and bad. I have found a new love for him in the way he loves our daughter. He is always supportive of me no matter what crazy thing I am doing.

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal? I love it because I was completely surprised!

We were living together and Ben was about a month away of graduating college. It was a Sunday night {Mother's Day to be exact} and Ben told me he had to go to campus late to work on a group project because his group-mates were getting back late from Mother's Day. We said bye and I climbed into bed to watch Desperate Housewives. Gosh, I literally remember this like it was yesterday and it was almost 4 years ago! About 20 minutes later, I got a call from our friend to say he had wandered up on this hill on campus and had lost his keys. It was dark so he was having trouble seeing and could I come get him to take him home and get his spare. Ben had been checking to see where my cell phone was for a little bit before he left which I had noticed but hadn't really thought anything of. I reluctantly got out of bed and drove a few blocks to pick up our friend. I saw him by his car, I got out and he handed me a rose with a note saying, "Meet me at the top. Love, Ben." I looked quizzically at our friend but he just smiled and got in my car and we drove to the top. I honestly, still, at that time did not suspect a proposal. I thought he was just doing something romantic. 

We got to the top and our friend walked me down the dark path and came to the clearing where a wooden tower sits at the top of the hill that overlooks the city. The city where we fell in love. The stairs were lined with candles, as was the platform once I got to the top and there was my love. He shared his feelings with me and got down on one knee and said the magic words. I didn't give the reaction he wanted because I was in shock. It took me a second to say yes but once I did, he scooped me up, we kissed, and he shouted, "We're gettin' married!"

Not super flattering but SO happy!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals? Probably not a teddy bear but definitely flowers and a card.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch? Well who doesn't love to be on a beach?! However, we have always been a movie on the couch kind of couple. We are homebodies which is obviously one of the many reasons we are so compatible. 

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere? We would love to go to Disneyworld together. He loves it there, I have only been to Disneyland so we will do this someday. There have been talks of going at Christmas one year, so we will see what happens. 

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day. Since it's a Tuesday, we won't go out but I will try to put some effort into at least being dressed and making dinner. 

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day? Just the hubby home for the evening since he has been working such crazy hours!

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. Communication. If there is one thing that Ben and I have always done, it is talk about everything. There is never anything that I would hesitate to tell him or discuss with him. This was, we never let anything stew or build up or harbor any negative or angry feelings.

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

Happiest moment of our lives.

So fun taking a walk down memory lane. I love my honey so much and don't know what my life would be without him!

Go link up!

2 Months

Dear Miss Eleanor Grace,

You turned 2 months old on February 1st. You are truly the light of my life. With the month of January came a lot of alone time for you and I due to your dad's work schedule. I feel as if we got to know each other very well and settled into a bit of a routine. A routine that of course would have bumps here and there wasn't anywhere near being set but a slight routine nonetheless.

In your fifth week of life I was delighted to experience a smile. I remember it as if it were yesterday. You and I had come out of the bedroom in the morning and were sitting on the couch together and I began "clicking" my tongue and you smiled. It melted my heart. It seems as though you never looked back after that smile because you are smiling often now. A couple of weeks after that, I began hearing you "talk." The sweet coo's that come from you are enough to brighten even the darkest winter day here. Instead of your head just "going" on my shoulder, you will now snuggle up on your own and also give a couple of "squeezes" with your hand. You are still a snuggler and love being near Momma and Dad or sleeping on our chests.

You are still sleeping in our bed and we tried a couple of naps in your crib but they didn't last long. We usually wake for the day around 8 a.m. and you go quite crazy when I let you out of your swaddle. You love kicking your legs, swinging your arms all around, smiling and talking in the morning. Usually you will be awake for about an hour at that time, will take about a thirty minute nap and wake to eat. This all varies a little depending on when you ate last in the early morning. You will then be awake for another hour or two and the past couple weeks have been taking about a two hour nap mid-day. This was an adjustment for Momma because I would wonder when you were going to wake up! We then go about our day the same way, you being awake for an hour or two, eating and taking thirty minute cat-naps for the rest of the day. We have been going in the bedroom about nine o'clock and you are usually asleep by ten. You usually have a 4-5 hour sleep stretch (there has been one 6 hour), eat, another 3-4 hour stretch, eat and another 2-3 hour stretch. We have been just fine with this sleeping schedule.

Another exciting event of this month is that we got you into your cloth diapers. I think we began using them just after you turned 6 weeks old. I like them a lot and you appear to as well. The only crazy thing about them is that they took you from newborn size clothes to three month clothes in a lot of outfits. You are in some 0-3 month sizes but for pants and such you definitely have to wear three month. It is a little sad. I was especially sad when I realized that even if you weren't wearing cloth diapers you had outgrown the newborns and I put them away. We saw your pediatrician today and you weigh 11 lbs. 8 oz. and are 22.5 inches long. You are a growing girl! We also had two shots and an oral vaccine--none of which you cared for. It made me so sad to see you cry like that but you recovered quickly, ate a little bit and fell asleep.

You continue to be such a happy baby enjoying your bath, the carseat, your playmat and tummy time, going for walks in your stroller and generally liking people. We have experienced you being a bit upset in the evenings but I think it may be because you get a little bit over-tired. I want to try putting you to bed earlier and seeing if that helps.

I also have experienced a big change this month in that everyday I feel a little bit more confident as your Momma. I know you better than anyone, we do everything together throughout the day and just the look you give me lets me know that I am doing things right.

You had many playdates this month because you have so many friends that are close to your age. I think as the months go by, playdates with continue to evolve and it will be so fun to watch you and your friends grow together.

We all continue to learn, as parents, as a family and of course you as a baby. This month you turned into an infant, not just a newborn. We love you so much and couldn't be more blessed with you in our life.

Love,
Momma

Wordless Wednesday

So What if we Like to Snuggle

I know there are many opinions surrounding co-sleeping. I don't mean in a co-sleeper that pulls up to the side of the bed or a co-sleeper that you put in your bed. I mean baby in bed with the parents. Both my husband and I grew up sleeping in our parents' beds. Our baby is sleeping in our bed. *Cue gasping.*

Before we had Eleanor, we talked about what we thought we would do. Ben was all for her being in bed with us. I was a little hesitant for a couple of reasons: having it be a hard habit to break later and us getting good sleep. Well, from day one that we brought her home she has been in the bed. We had her propped up on the Boppy pillow for about a week with a blanket spread over the top so show couldn't fall in the middle because it seemed like she liked to sleep propped up. She started being kind of fussy and wiggly so we pulled her back down onto the mattress with us and she has been blissfully sleeping ever since. Well, as blissfully as a 6 week old can sleep.

At first, I was barely sleeping due to getting used to all of her noises. Ben adapted pretty quickly and has obviously been sleeping very soundly since he has gone back to work. If it is not a work night, Eleanor sleeps in between us but all other nights she is on my side of the bed. I am possibly working up to putting her in the pack and play in our room to see if it would get me some better sleep and get her used to sleeping somewhere else, also. For some reason, even though I get a little frustrated with the "type" of sleep I am getting I can't bring myself to get her out of the bed.

I just love her being close.
Hearing her breathing right next to me.
Snuggling her back to sleep when she is wiggling around.
Picking her right up and nursing.

I obviously know that there are many opinions against this type of sleeping due to infant deaths. For some reason, I have never been afraid of this. I was reassured by the girls at my birth center that a breastfeeding mom is so aware of her baby that there isn't really a need to be afraid. I can now definitely attest to this. I am very careful with how I sleep with her. I don't let the comforter or my pillow get near her. She is swaddled. I found this article on co-sleeping interesting. Also, Dr. Sears has opinions as well.

As I have said before, I think parents have to do what is right for them and their baby. This is what has felt right to us. However, every time this topic gets brought up to others we get looked at like we are crazy. I think the majority of people we know may bring their baby in bed sometimes but not all the time. We may get to that point, we just aren't there yet. It is my goal this week to try to put her in the pack and play in our room during a nap and me try to take a nap in there and see if I can fall asleep and stay asleep.

This whole parenting thing is just one big learning experience and that is what we are up to everyday: learning.

What are your opinions on co-sleeping if you feel like sharing? What sleeping arrangements worked for your family?

Holidays Don't Always go as Planned...

We don't really do the same thing every year for the Christmas holidays.

By Christmas of 2008, we had been together for 4 years, were engaged, had bought our house 3 months earlier, brought home a puppy at the beginning of December and it was the first Christmas we were spending together. Before that Ben had always gone home to Texas for the holiday. That year, his family came here. It was a great Christmas with a house full of family, snow and our families got to spend Christmas together.

Christmas of 2009 we had just gotten married a few months earlier and spent the holiday in Washington with my family. It was a little strange to wake up Christmas morning with just the two of us, but nice at the same time. We chatted with his family on the computer for a while and opened gifts with them and then headed over to my parents to open gifts and have dinner with them.

Christmas 2010 was spent in San Antonio with Ben's family. It was my first time away from my family for Christmas but our Texas family made it very special indeed. After getting back to Washington we celebrated with my family on New Year's day.

This year, after welcoming our baby just a mere 24 days earlier, our plan was to have a low-key, quiet day/dinner at my parents' house on Christmas day. However, a yucky cold for my mom had other plans so we didn't make it over there. We had french toast for breakfast, exchanged our gifts, spoke with Ben's family on the computer and opened gifts from them and relaxed all day long. It was a little strange not seeing any other family but it was kind of nice and special having out first Christmas with our new family of three.

Not the best photo but glad we got one with the 3 of us. Thank goodness
for a Gorillapod and camera timer!

Pretty sure she understood that this gift was for her!

We did go to my parents' yesterday because it seemed as though the cold had passed so we exchanged gifts and had a yummy dinner of a pork crown roast from the pigs that my parents raised last year. We relaxed and visited and of course Eleanor's grandparents gushed over her for a few hours. We called it an early night after a big dinner and on the account that we get tired pretty early these days.

Dad opening a gift with her at my parents'.

Hub gettin' artsy...until my brother noticed the creeper outside!

Even though it wasn't necessarily the "planned" Christmas we had a wonderful weekend and are just cherishing the quiet time we have together before Hub gets geared up for getting back to work.

How did you spend your holidays? Do you have the same plans every year or do they change? 

The Christmas I Only Wanted One Gift...

Gee, what gift could that have been? Yes, you guessed it--my daughter. Well I got it so now people, my mom in particular, are really wondering what I want for Christmas. In 4 days. I can't believe Christmas is 4 days away and a week after that we will enter 2012. So weird.

Anyhow, I think after becoming a mother 20 days ago, I realize that my wants right now are for my girl. To be happy, healthy, warm, loved and all the other goodness we can provide for her. It's not to say I think I am never going to want for anything ever again in my life but for now, I am content with our wonderful Christmas gift.

Luckily, I finished all of our Christmas shopping before Eleanor made her debut so the past few weeks have not been stressful in that department. We didn't go overboard with gifts this year but I think each person will genuinely enjoy what we are giving. 

It's funny how we can all go on and on about how the season is not about the gifts and the true gifts aren't presents but we are always caught giving gifts to each other every year. I do think my family is pretty good about not making gifts the main event though. We love to be together, relax, cook and enjoy a good meal as well. This year my mom decided to do things a little differently since she hosts Christmas every year with her extended side of the family. This year on Christmas day it will just be our immediate family. My mom and dad, brother and his girlfriend, Ben, Eleanor and I. It will be nice, quiet and relaxing. I am happy for the baby and I to not have the over stimulation and this way my family can all maximize their time with the baby as well instead of her being passed around constantly.

My true gift this year comes wrapped in a swaddle blanket--What will be your favorite gift of the season? Have you asked for anything special? Do you have one big Christmas gathering, a couple, or just a small, intimate one?