Sometimes I Feel Like I Am Being a Crazy Person

I know that being involved with social media has its ups and downs.

A lot of the ups are the awesome networking and community that can be built. It is great to have others to ask questions of, bounce ideas off of and vent to. It is nice to have so many sources to get information from and choose what we like and discard the rest.

I am speaking along the lines of dressing my daughter. Of course I love cute clothes and of course the fact that they are miniature makes them one million times cuter. However, we do not have an endless supply of the ol' green stuff around here so I find it so hard to be motivated to buy these said cute clothes when they are super expensive and seriously this girl will wear these clothes for such a short time. I find it pretty ridiculous that baby/kids clothes can be so expensive for that reason. Of course I want my daughter to look cute but not at any cost. Sometimes I feel like I am one of the few that feel this way.

Another aspect of my life that is beginning to make me feel a little off my rocker is the fact that Baby E and I do not go out much. Like, at all. We are home most of the week and may have an outing on the weekends. My main reason from the beginning about this was because she was born in the winter and obviously we all know there are more germies around during the winter months. We have spent most of her three months of life at home. Washing hands, having guests wash hands, etc. Now that she is getting a little older, has had a round of shots and I am even beginning to get a little cabin fever now and then I want to go out more but I think I may have a little anxiety about it. We are so comfortable at home, with our routine, surrounded by our stuff that I get a little overwhelmed thinking about going somewhere.

Last Friday I had to return something at the mall which is about half an hour away so my mom came with me. We were going to make a quick trip to the mall {in and out} and then to Costco. Well, we started at Babies R Us and Eleanor was doing just fine awake and looking around. Then she started crying. I took her out of her carseat and proceeded to carry her around the store.

We then got back in the car to go to the mall and I took her our and put her in our front pack and immediately when we got in the doors of Nordstrom she started screaming. Mind you, this baby doesn't cry much. Usually her crying or fussing time is at night. Well, here we are smack dab in the middle of the day. Finally, she stopped crying and fell asleep so we walked around the mall a bit. {Also, why is it when you have a crying baby do people look at you like an alien? Hey, people, she's a baby, babies cry and obviously I am trying to get her to stop. STOP STARING!}

We get back to the car, she is wet so we change her and put her back in the carseat to head home. {By this point we decided to skip Costco.} Normally, E has no problem in the car. This time she screamed all the way home. My mom sat in the back seat with her trying to calm her down but that didn't work.

We got home, I fed her and I felt exhausted.

I reflect on this experience because maybe I tried to do a little too much too soon. She isn't used to being out and about much and neither am I. I told Ben last night that I want to start small. I need to start at least going to the grocery store. You're probably wondering what in the heck I'm talking about that I haven't been going to the grocery store. I have gone a couple of times in the past few months but my parents live so close that whenever my mom goes, she asks if we need anything, I tell her a couple things, she brings them and we reimburse. I know, I'm spoiled.

So, over the next month, E and I are starting small and are getting out of the house more. This next Sunday we are planning to go to Ben's basketball game which is about an hour. He is playing with some guys of the group we go on vacation with and also have babies so their wives will be there as well. It will be quite the experience for E with the loud noises, bright lights, etc. but I think it's time. Time to get my baby girl out of her bubble.

The Oscars, E and Me

I actually watched a whole Academy Awards show. I always think I am going to watch a full awards show and then I don't. It may be on but I'm not really paying attention, or I completely miss it, or one year our friends had an Oscar party so I wasn't really paying attention to the show much because we were busy having fun.

Last night Ben had two basketball games so E and I stayed home and enjoyed the awards show. Well, she kinda babbled on, rolled around, fussed and I watched the show. I could probably say that I could just watch the red carpet and skip the show. I like all the interviews better than listening to a bunch of categories.

Anyway, here are a few of my favorite red carpet looks:

I just love Emma Stone. I have liked her in all movies I have seen her in and liked her even more after she presented last night. I thought she was down to earth, funny and not too over the top. She was trying to lighten the mood. I wish more of the presenters could throw a little more humor in the mix. And her dress was gorgeous.

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Michelle Williams seriously does not age. This haircut is beautiful on her, the lips, the eyes and of course the dress. I think she looked wonderful and just like a star. I really want to see My Week With Marilyn.

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I don't know if I love this dress but Jessica Chastain's hair and make-up were literally flawless. Her skin is so beautiful and she looked just like a doll. She wore the dress beautifully, I just don't know if I would ever choose it.

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I always love Natalie Portman and last night was no exception. Beautiful, classic and timeless.

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Those were just a few of my favorites. I would have to say that next year for the Oscars I will most likely tune in for the red carpet coverage and for the last hour of the show for the big awards. It is fine to have on in the background but it just isn't quite entertaining enough to hold my attention for too long.

I May be the Only One Out There That Feels This Way, But...

After yesterday's post, I thought I would end the week on a bit of a lighter note. I love Ellen. The show, the woman, everything. I think she is a great lady who does a lot of great things for people. I don't think she ever comes off as too full of herself or trying to get everyone to think she's so great. I usually try to catch all the shows whether I watch when it's on or have it on recording to watch sometime during the day.

However, there are some reoccurring guests that I am not agreeing with.

A few months back, Ellen featured one of the famous YouTube videos of Sophia Grace and Rosie. If you are unfamiliar, go ahead and take a look. I think most people know who I am talking about. Ellen has made them "famous." I too thought they were so cute when I first saw them, loved their interview and couldn't believe that little, British girl memorized those words to Nikki Minaj's Super Bass. 

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So far I have seen them back on the show three more times {they may have appeared more, I don't catch every show} and the more I see, the more I don't like. These little girls are five and eight years old. The are, or are portraying, that they are completely obsessed with celebrities. I understand that kids go through phases and find certain things entertaining at different times and it is funny here and there. That Sophia Grace memorized that song would have been funny and it would have been fine to leave it at that. However, apparently Ellen keeps inviting them back and obviously their parents are going right along with it.

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Everyone is enabling these girls to immerse themselves in the world of celebrities--the were Ellen's correspondents at the Grammies--which I find to be a little unhealthy. Not that I see anything wrong with being a fan and liking certain celebrities or songs or anything but it seems like these girls' image is being built on idolizing celebrities. Call me a prude but I think kids need to get a little bit older to become immersed in celebrity entertainment so that there may be some possibility of them understanding reality. On another note, they don't live in America. So their frequent appearances on the show are obviously causing them to miss school. How is that okay?

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer here and I can totally appreciate a cute kids' performance just as much as the next person but I think this is going a little bit too far. I understand Ellen just thinks they are cute and likes doing nice things for people and maybe she isn't seeing the underlying negatives of the situation. So, Ellen, as much as I respect you, I have to disagree on this matter.

All the Days After

When I posted our birth story and Ben read it, he asked, "What about all the days after?"

My reply was, "I'll get to it."

The truth was when he asked that just a few weeks after having Eleanor, I wasn't ready to write about all the days after quite yet.

It has taken me quite a while to process all of what I felt in all the days after.

I was inspired to get my feelings about postnatal down after reading this post. A lot of women get in their head that there is basically only two states of emotion after having a baby: total euphoria and elation and postpardum depression. I am here to speak from experience that I do not believe this to be true.

I was beyond happy and excited when we found out I was pregnant. We wanted a baby. I expected the time after we had the baby to be magical. Once we got to that point after an amazing birth, gushing over our beautiful baby girl I began to feel unlike myself at times. Please don't get me wrong here, I was still beyond excited to be a mother and feeling so blessed to have a healthy baby however, there were a million other emotions as well.

I have never been an overly emotional woman. I am generally pretty even-keeled. My husband makes a lot of comments regarding the fact that I am pretty easy to deal with as far as women go. {Gee, thanks, Hub} All of a sudden I was emotional wreck. I was crying at least once a day, feeling anxiety whenever people were around and always feeling anxious when anyone other than my husband or I was holding the baby. I never felt sad, depressed, like I wanted to hurt myself or the baby, I just constantly kept describing my feelings to Ben as overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by anything it seemed. Breastfeeding was not proving to be as easy as I had anticipated, I was exhausted as are many first {second, third...} time moms, and it was like the reality of this little person was setting in.

I constantly felt guilty. Guilty if I was sleeping and Ben was not, guilty for crying all the time, guilty for overburdening him with all these stupid emotions. I also felt guilty because it appeared that all Ben felt was total elation {which he later admitted that he was just as overwhelmed but is obviously a guy so he felt he couldn't express emotions like me and wanted to be the strong one. Thank you, Hub, for being my rock}. I felt like I was ruining this special time for us. He started to worry that I was missing these first days with our baby because I couldn't pull it together. Then I started to feel so silly for feeling this way. What could be to cry about? I had a beautiful, healthy baby who was, for all intents and purpose, super easy.

When I went back for my 2 week postnatal visit and when she asked how things were going, I broke down crying. The midwife reassured me that all of these feelings were normal. I was dealing with something called hormones. Oh, you've heard of them? Me too. I had just never realized how much they would affect my daily life.

The more I talked about all my feelings the better I felt. However, for awhile I felt like such a weirdo. Women don't feel this way after having a baby. That is not true. It was interesting to because I had a lot of friends have babies last year and I could always tell the women that truly identified with what I was feeling as opposed to the women that didn't really experience any of these feelings and just kind of shrugged and agreed with feeling emotional.

Back to being pregnant, I wasn't really myself throughout pregnancy either. I wasn't overly emotional but I never really felt that good during pregnancy so I think that contributed a lot to my mood. That was another thing I felt guilt for is that I felt like my husband hadn't had the real me in over 9 months!

These days, I am feeling a lot more like myself. There are still days when I feel a little off or like I simply just don't want to get out of my jammies or like I am completely overwhelmed. However, I feel better about dealing with and knowing that there just will be days like that and it's okay. I was so proud when I went to my 4 and 6 week postnatal appointments and did not cry and could report that there had been says in a row that I hadn't cried! I know, right? What an accomplishment.

Like I talked about in my breastfeeding post, I think there are a lot of things about having newborns that women forget. Which is great because we may not have more kids if we remembered every little detail...totally kidding! But, it is nice to move on and continue to thrive in my new role.

Everyday I feel more confident with my baby, as a mom and as a wife/mom. I know there will continually be challenges and struggles as a parent but that is why it is such an adventure.

WILW: Hairstyle Edition

As of late, my hair is coming out in clumps handfuls. Luckily I was informed of this hormonal phenomenon prior to giving birth so it did not come as a surprise. Let me explain my hair to you. I. Have. A. Lot. It is along the lines of fine, as in each strand, but as a whole, there is a lotta hair on my head.

It is approaching the mid-back region at this point and I am trying to decide if I should cut it or not. These days I find the strands everywhere. All over my pillow. All over Hub's pillow. All over E--like, in her diaper, in her swaddle, stuck in her neck crease--everywhere. I feel as though if I cut it, it may still be falling out but not quite as long of strands.

I don't want to go too short because I want to be able to put it up in a claw clip or a pony if I need to. Although, I did used to sport quite a short 'do that I loved. But, it basically required styling everyday. Let's face it, that may not be in my daily agenda.

The current state of my locks:

My former short 'do:

Here are some styles that are on my radar:

Simple, with cute, long bangs. I think I could handle styling or just putting this 'do up.

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Love this length and color. Not sure about the bangs but it does look like I could still put it up. It is so hard to tell texture from pictures but I think I may be in a similar realm of texture as this chick.

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I love all of these layers for something interesting but I can't tell if this hair is thinner than mine. I think I have a heavier mop to deal with that this blondie.

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Super cute length but I may have a problem with where it sits if it is not styled.

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For now I am just focusing on a cut but if I were willing to fork out a little more dollar, I would definitely go with the ombre look. Luuurve.

Or maybe, I should stay long and go with this color. Hmmmm.

Hey, Drew, love that sexy hair!

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Oh Kristen, you are hilarious but that hair style is suuuriously hot.

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 Any input?

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Sometimes We do Feel Normal

Ben and I have always liked to cook. And eat. We have always enjoyed a weekend or evening in with some good ingredients and spending time in the kitchen together. We joke around, we laugh, sometimes listen to music and have a glass or wine or beer.

The past two and a half months have proven a little difficult for this activity. With a newborn/infant it is hard to get the timing right, for us to get into the kitchen together. We have kind of developed a strategy of tag-teaming our meals so that one of us is in the kitchen and one may be in the living room entertaining the babe.

We are totally okay with this, obviously, and luckily our kitchen overlooks our living room so we are still hanging out together.

This past Sunday we were home all day and started the morning snuggling in bed, getting some morning chores done and watching a movie. Ben had taken out a fresh pork ham roast and we were trying to decide what to do with it. When I see a roast, I automatically think, stick it in the dutch oven or slow cooker, throw in some veggies and, yay, dinner is done! However, that gets a little boring. And we were both home so we figured we should try to be a little more creative.

Ben searched on the computer and suddenly looked up with a smile and said, "I found it!"

So he prepared the pork how the recipe said and it needed to sit in the fridge for about an hour. We went on about the day and finally I suggested we start preparing. Ben was holding E at the time so I started things but then he brought her in and set her in her Rock and Play chair and they joined in the fun. I opened a bottle of wine, Ben put on music and before we knew it, we were back in our comfort zone and enjoying an evening of cooking, family and fun. E was great for longer than I had expected and she was laughing and talking up a storm with us.

Please don't judge our Sunday lounge attire. ;)

After a bit, she started to get a little tired so I picked her up and danced around a little and she fell asleep. She being the perfect baby she is slept right through us eating so we enjoyed a quiet dinner at the same time and she then woke up right when we were finished. It all timed out perfectly and was a great end to our weekend.

Love when our lil' baby cooperates!

By the way, our dinner was a delicious feast of sweet and sour pork. From scratch. I, in bad blogger form, did not take a picture of our plate before we scarfed it down but you should try this recipe. Super easy and made with all ingredients we had in the house. Love those type of meals!

Makeover Monday

I think this is the last Monday for this link up so of course I have to join! It is kind of funny to me that I enjoyed this link up so much because I am really not much of a product/make-up/glitzy glam girl but what girl/woman doesn't have a few products or make-up items they can talk about?! Another thing that I find funny about myself is that even though I have never been good at any of the putting my make up on-hair doing-curling-liner penciling-type o stuff, I have always enjoyed watching someone else get ready. My old roommate is really great at make up application and gettin' her hair all did and I would just sit in the bathroom and watch. Love it. My BFF is the same. Has always enjoyed the "gettin' ready" part of the day and I like to watch her too.

Anyhow, back to Makeover Monday.

Eyes today.

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I was introduced to this eye shadow primer a few years ago. I think it really does help my shadow stay in place and another thing I love about it is if I am in a hurry and just need to brighten up my eye-area a little bit, I just rub some of this on and call it good.

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Yes, I am a sucker for Mac Cosmetics' eye shadow. They have so many fun colors and I find that they stay in place the best of any I have ever used. However, they do cost a pretty penny {to  me} so I haven't indulged in awhile. I like to make 'em last so I use them sparingly.

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On the cheaper scale for eye shadow, I lean toward Almay products. I was intrigued by these originally because on the commercials they told me they would tell me how to apply the shadow. Which obviously I need. I don't always follow those directions but I do like the colors and the price tag.

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For liner, which I rarely use because I feel like I always look like a middle-school-teen-with-too-much- makeup-on {I think this is only because I don't wear it often enough so it just looks strange to me. I do wear eyeliner when I am dressing up.}, I use the Almay liquid liner in brown topaz. I like this liner because it always looks very straight and can do a really thin line which I favor. I have never used pencil-type liner so I can't really compare but this is what seems to work for me.

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My mom got me this mascara probably about a year ago now, and I will never wear anything else. I love it. It is true to form when it says it adds volume and I would even say a little curl for me. Go get some. Now.

As far as eyes go, those are my juicy secrets. I know, right? I have never been the type to wear the same type of make-up, same look every single day. That's kind of boring to me. I like to change up colors, products or whatever. Unless I find something I love and then I may use it two days in a row instead of one. Just kidding. But for things like mascara I will stick to the same. Or foundation. But with colors, I like to mix it up. Especially according to season and my skin color.

Head on over and link up with Molly for the last installment. It was fun, girls, thanks for hosting!