Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Feeling in Limbo...

Wouldn't it be nice sometimes to have someone standing behind you to yell out, "Go!" at all the right times in your life?

Ok, I know that is not very realistic and probably wouldn't be too much fun, however, I have been in "limbo" for almost a year and, I tell you, it is a hard place to be! I am just waiting to go back to school so I can get on the path to my career. Sometimes it feels like I am doing nothing with my life. I know that is not true--I am a wife who loves taking care of her husband, I love taking care of my dog, I do have a job right now (not super fulfilling but it puts money in the bank), I volunteer at an elementary school and my family is close by. However, as far as relationships go outside of my marriage and family, that is what I have come to question.

What saddens me about our world and our culture is that the majority of people are always on the go. I do not feel that I have a girlfriend whom I can plan a day or even an afternoon with that would have a similar schedule as me as to where it would not be conflicting with something in each of our busy lives. Friendship is really important to me but over the last year, I feel like my friendship may not be as important to those around me as I thought it was. Yes, friends move away, or may not be able to see each other as much, but with as much technology and means of staying in touch as we have, I don't really see how friends can drift apart unless it is intentional. Which brings to to my next point of why would it be intentional?

I have always considered myself a good friend--but I suppose that means something different to everyone--I feel as though I am a good listener, I enjoy being around my friends, I try to make plans as much as I can, but I don't always feel the same back. I have always been more closed off, not necessarily an open book, and maybe save my most intimate thoughts for my closest friends, but I don't think that takes away from me being a good friend. I like to be the best friend I can be to a few selected close friends, however it seems to me nowadays, people try to spread themselves too thin and maybe end up neglecting some aspects of their good friendships.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a blog about me feeling like I am in limbo and the connection here is that, because I am waiting on my next step, I have a lot of spare time and have a lot of time to think about missing friends who have come and gone.

I am a Washington-grown girl but for once in my life I am started to finally be tired of this weather, so I am sure this doesn't help my mood! Yes, it was sunny out today, but I am tired of being cold!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Kind of Strange...

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." - Ecclesiastes 7:14

I just came across this Bible verse on a friend's daily Bible verse application and it struck me because it directly applies to what I blogged about yesterday! We must take one day at a time and God only gives us just as much as we handle. It is sometimes hard for me to remember that as I tend to get overwhelmed.

I also don't always agree with the phrase or thought, "There are some people that have it way harder than you." Obviously my heart goes out to people who have tougher times than me, but that isn't my life. I deal with my issues and yes they may not be as difficult as others but they are hardships to me at the time. I can't always focus on problems that are so far from me, I have to sometimes just look at what is right in front of me. Call me selfish, say I don't care about others--I don't see it that way.

I am being patient and not trying to discover my future.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Life's Ups and Downs

It's interesting where my life has gone in the past few years. I have always been such a planner. What I am doing in the next hour, the next day, week, month, etc. However, in my last year of college I learned that making a plan is not always possible. What is also very amusing is that my husband is a planner. We both try to knock that out of each other and try to be more laid back and spontaneous which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.

Is where I am now where I thought I would be a year ago? The answer is NO! A year ago, I was managing a restaurant and planning a wedding, not seeing my husband (then fiance) more than a few hours a week due to our opposite work schedules. Since then, I have quit my managing job, gotten married and changed my whole course of action toward a career choice. Does it scare me? Does it frustrate me? Am I excited? Yes, yes and yes!

As much as I am a planner, I am always excited to see the way life actually plays out for me. I am learning that it isn't always going to be easy, the way I planned or necessarily the most fun, but I am learning that there is most always a lesson involved. My somewhat of emotional breakdowns over the past year have become some of the most communicational for my husband and I. I tend to put on a happy face even when I am not but it all comes out in the end whether it be because I am ready to talk about it or because he left one too many dirty dishes in the sink! :)

As always, I am excited for what life hands us in the next couple of years, new jobs, kids, a big move, etc. but I am so lucky and happy to do it with my best friend and love.

Happy Monday!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Saturday Morning

I have always absolutely loved Saturday mornings. There is a sense of peace about them. Obviously in the past few years it has not been because I don't work on the weekends, because I definitely do. I love being able to sleep in just a little bit later, take a little bit more time to enjoy my coffee and not feel the rushed feeling that weekdays often bring.

Ahhh, Saturdays.