It's Me Again

I have a friend who had her baby almost exactly 6 months ahead of when I did. It was nice to chat with her about things, relate to things she was experiencing a little bit before me and then when I got to that point even be able to have her go back and say, "oh yes, that happened to me/us too."

I distinctly remember her telling me that she did not feel "normal" until her baby was about six months old. I kept holding onto that through those hard, grueling, tiresome first few months. All the way up until six months. I didn't feel it. I still wasn't normal. I held out a few more months and then I brought it up to her. She replied with well, yes, I thought it was true but it wasn't until about nine months.

I kept holding out. There would be better days than others. However, I still wasn't myself. I would complain about it. I knew it. I knew I was crazy, emotional, hormonal and overwhelmed, I just didn't know what to do about it.

Fast forward again to Eleanor's birthday party and my friend and I were talking again. Oh, Allyce, she said, you really don't feel like yourself again until about 15 months old. 15 months?! Well, that was a far cry from her original 6 month mark and then her 9 month mark. But I laughed and agreed and scolded her for giving me these false hopes. Not really but we did laugh.

The other night we got together, our four couples of friends, without kids and her and I were chatting again. We were talking about her friend who is now in those early months with a three month old and she was telling her that it is all just really weird. A weird time, weird experiences, feeling weird and all that.

We had a great day as a family yesterday complete with a family nap, a walk and a good dinner. I was joking around being my quirky self and Ben was laughing. I turned to him and said, "Hey, isn't this the Allyce you like?" and he replied with, "Ya, she just took a break for awhile and gave all her goodness to her," and pointed down to Eleanor. I totally took that as a compliment.

Over this past year plus I have given my all to Eleanor. It has left little to no time for myself. And what I wasn't giving to Eleanor I was trying to give to my husband. I finally am getting to the point where I feel like I am back. So, these bench marks of when we feel normal again as mothers are different for everyone and for some it is just a new normal to get used to. I also feel like it is easier now that Eleanor is to the point where she can be a little more independent playing while I make dinner or able to quietly ride in her stroller while I run. I also don't feel a panic come over when I do leave her for a few hours or even overnight. All of this is okay and I know it is a good balance to be a mom but also to be me and be a wife.

Will I do everything the exact same with a second baby? I can't say. I will always be a mom that does what feels right for us at the time. Have I learned a few things on this first go around? Well, you betcha. I have also learned that it is okay if I am not doing the exact same thing as every other mother out there. Eleanor is my baby and I am her mother. That's really all that matters even if it did take me almost 15 months to get back to that quirky self of mine.

Go ahead and link up with Becky to share what's on your heart today.

{Kind of} Wordless Wednesday

Some Most days...

I can't believe she's mine.

11 Months

Dear Eleanor,

This past month flew by. So much so that I am writing this post just a short two weeks from your first birthday! Before we get ahead of ourselves, let's remember this month because it has been so fun and so full of excitement as far as you are concerned.

Your personality shines more and more everyday. You are happy, talkative, determined and yes, sometimes stubborn. You seem so inquisitive and curious which your dad and I love to watch. Watching you try to figure things out is like watching every little gear in your brain hard at work and it is so amusing. You are showing when you get frustrated also if something isn't going quite your way.

We tried to teach you the "more" sign starting a couple months ago and you picked up on it quickly although your sign is more squeezing your hands together. It helps cut down on whining when you want something so I guess we accomplished our goal. You have kind of taken it a step further and it has kind of become your sign for nursing, "yes," please, and more. I guess we will work on that.

You talk all the time when you are awake. Jabbering, blabbering, babbling and I love it. You are mimicking our inflections on sentences and such and it is so cute. We think we can also pick out some "words" such as:

night night (nigh nigh)
yes/ya (dis, da)
juice (jis)
dad (dada)
mama (mama)
no (na)

It seems as though you use all these at the correct times so I think they have proper meaning behind them. Also, you can sometimes make a cow noise. We ask what does a cow say, or show you a cow and sometimes you will just moan or we have to do it first and you mimic. Not all the time but when you do it's cute!

On your 11 month birthday, I would say, is the day you started walking. It was the first day I saw you take steps, unprompted on your own accord. Now, two weeks later, you usually choose walking over crawling, your balance is better everyday and you can turn and such. Love it.

Your sleep has improved tremendously. We tried to move your bedtime back with DST and then again a little bit more so our evenings weren't so rushed and Dad got to spend a little bit more time with you. So at night, you are usually going down between 8-830 and we actually had a couple of nights where you slept until 7am! What?! I know, crazy. But usually, you still wake between 5-6am, nurse and go back until about 730. You are still usually taking two naps a day, morning and late afternoon. I should say you still should be taking two naps, the afternoon can be hit or miss, still. We can definitely tell when you don't take it!

You continue to love food. You are such a good eater and for that we are so thankful. Over the past two weeks we have started offering you watered down juice and coconut milk. You seem to like both and it seems you like the coconut milk more everytime you have it. We have tried working in a snack time in the mid-late afternoons to cut down on that nursing session which you have been taking to pretty well. We are nursing about three times a day now, there have been a couple two times and a couple four times but seems to be mostly three.

Over the past month, you stayed with your grandparents for extended periods of time, about 8 hours, we missed a bedtime with you and did wonderfully and you continue to gain independence. It's hard for me to grasp but I know it's a good thing!

You love to explore, as well. You will toddle into the next room by yourself, you love to look in the cupboards and pull everything out, you point at everything and love watching the birds fly around outside. You also love riding in the shopping cart. It is new-ish to you since we don't go shopping too often and for a long time I was putting you in the Ergo. You feel like such a big girl in the seat and love to look around. I know this stage before you want to be down walking on your own is probably short-lived so I am soaking it up while I can.

I just can't say enough how fun this past month has been. You are learning everyday, I am so thankful I get to be right by your side to watch and learn along with you.

We love you so, so much, sweet girl and count ourselves lucky everyday to be your mom and dad.

Love,
Mama

Quiet Moments are the Best

I have definitely talked about how E is not the best napper. Lately I have been really good about trying to nurse her and then lay her in her crib. She used to not have any part of that at all so it became hard for me to want to try and I would just let her lay, sleeping and nursing.

Today she started to get tired so we quieted down our playing and headed into her room for me to nurse her and lay her down. Which, again, sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. She was sleeping, I tried to lay her down and she wasn't having it. Tried to soothe her while she was laying down, she quieted a little and then started crying again. It was the kind of cry that I just knew she wasn't going to sleep so I picked her up and tried a new method a friend told Ben about and Ben relayed to me. Just holding her tight and not letting her squirm as best we can while she is trying to fight sleep. It worked yesterday so I wanted to try again! Well, that wasn't working either so I flipped her around and she laid her head right down on my shoulder and fell asleep.

I sat down in the chair and when I knew she was really asleep I almost got up to lay her in the crib but I thought twice about it. I thought, okay, I have been pretty good about laying her in her crib lately and she is doing way better than she used to. I also thought, when does she ever sleep on my chest anymore?!

So right then and there, I got comfortable and she stayed asleep for an hour right on my chest.

I didn't have my phone by my side, there was no TV in the background (which isn't normally the case anyway), and no distractions. Just me and my girl, quiet, in the dark, snuggling.

It is so easy to get caught up in what I need to get done during the rare occasion that she does lay in her crib and nap for any length of time but I am so glad I took that second thought today and cherished it. I know that no matter what I will look back at this time and know it went by in the blink of an eye so I know that when I have that feeling of just needing the closeness, I just need to soak it right up.

Maybe that's what she was trying to tell me, anyway, by not wanting to be in her crib for that nap. Just needed some extra Mama snuggles.

10 Months

Oh, Sweet Eleanor,

Halfway into your eleventh month and here I am posting your letter. I am just keeping with my system though of being a little behind. Mostly because I am always trying to keep up with you!

This month has just been a joy. Just like all the rest. Even though you are not always the best sleeper and you are pretty stubborn like your parents, watching you continue to learn, change and develop your personality is just so amazing. That's basically the word that always comes to mind: amazing.

This month you are crawling around at the speed of light, pulling up on everything and cruising along furniture, walls and cupboards. Oh, the cupboards, they keep you so amused! You have taken little half steps but then fall into whoever you are aiming for. You think it's pretty funny. You clap, dance, give kisses and babble up a storm. We have noticed many different sounds this month also, with your tongue, you make a little hissing sound, you have ba, ma, da, nya all down and you string them all together. I'm pretty sure you have looked right at me and said mama a few times now and although Dad was hesitant to accept you saying dada I jumped right on my name and know you know who I am!

You are getting into some 12 month clothes and definitely 12 month pants and even some 18 month. Again, mostly because of your diapers. You had your well visit at 9 1/2 months and you were 28 inches long and 18.5 pounds. Still petite but again mostly average in everything and still steadily growing. I don't know how you couldn't be growing because you still love to eat, feeding yourself and nursing. You basically have three food meals a day and then nurse in between putting you at eating something about every two to two and half hours.

Your sleep, again, is a little hit and miss. You have good stretches of going down between 730-8 pm and sleeping until 4-5am, nursing and going back down but then we hit a rough patch with what we thought was another little cold but then the next week you had a tooth pop through and another close behind. So, we wondered if it really was a cold or just the weirdness that we have heard can come with teething. That's right, your first tooth at 10 months 2 days. For the most part, you have been great. During the day you are happy as a clam, it was just a couple of nights that we thought the teeth were bugging you and we did end up giving you some Tylenol. It's hard to tell if it helps or not but I hope it took a little of the edge off. As far as naps we are still mostly all over the board. It seems like we can usually count on a morning nap although we can't always count on how to get you down for that whether it be rocking, nursing, walking, etc. The afternoon nap is the tough one. It is clear that you need it because you do become whiny and clingy, you just fight it like a mad woman! Sometimes I just give up, get dinner a little early and try to get your bedtime routine going so that it distracts you from being whiny. Bedtime still goes smoothly so that's nice.

You still love to be outside, we visited the pumpkin patch, which you loved. You love playing with other babies and you are back to enjoying car rides. You like going to the store with me and riding in the Ergo although we have put you in the cart a couple times and I think that may start winning out because you love that and act like such a big girl! We got to go for quite a few afternoon walks this past month because we had such beautiful weather and you enjoyed your stroller. Sometimes I would do that if you weren't showing signs of going down for a nap and you would just sit back and relax in the stroller.

Eleanor, I just want to soak up everyday as much as I can because I just can't believe how time is flying by. Your personality just cracks me up everyday and you are such a joy to be around. Yes, there are tough days and I do lose my patience at times but know that it is always me that I am being impatient with. I am working at just knowing you are just a little person who goes through the same things I do. Bad days, bad moods, tummy aches, head aches, etc. You are such a wonderful light in our lives and your dad and I could not be more proud to be your parents.

Love you so much, baby girl.

Xoxo,
Mama

I am still taking monthly photos, just haven't gotten around to taking this one on the big camera yet. ;) Gave up on the weeklies at about 6 months but I want 12 pictures of her once we hit one year!

The New Normal

Coming off of vacation is usually a difficult adjustment whether you have a baby, kids or not! Getting back to work, the normal schedule, meals, etc. is enough to tire out anyone and even bring on a bit of depression. Okay maybe not depression but just a little disappointment that vacation is over and basically with our vacation being over, summer is pretty much over here as well. We have had some beautiful weather, don't get me wrong, but there is definitely the fall-chill in the air in the mornings and evenings despite the really warm afternoons.

I feel like I have been doing just a terrible job of documenting the everyday happenings around here and I really hope that changes because we are in a really good place right now and finding our new normal. I'm pretty sure I have talked before about how Ben and I are pretty routine-craving people and that having a baby threw us for a loop in that department. It's like before you have a baby you know things will change, be different, unpredictable and challenging but you don't know quite how much until it is you.

These days we are embracing whatever "routine" or "schedule" we have for the day. There have been many low points in my days with Eleanor, I will definitely admit that, but I am focusing on the high points these days. All of a sudden, last week, it hit me that she is 9 months, well actually over 9 months, old and will be one in less than three months. Less than three months?! What in the heck have I been doing these past nine months?! Well, even though it has been a slow process, I have been adjusting to my new normal.

This past weekend was pretty great even though I was feeling a bit under the weather. Last weekend, we had arrived home from vacation on Sunday and kind of just hopped back into the week. This weekend we got to relax on Friday night, enjoy a leisurely morning on Saturday and celebrate a friend's engagement on Saturday afternoon. Sunday morning, again, started out slowly, enjoying family breakfast and lunch, a couple of naps for E and then Ben's birthday dinner. None of it was too fancy or exciting but that is where we are now. And we love it. Friday night, our friend's band was playing in the city and we considered going until we found out he probably wasn't going on until about 11:30. PM. Ben still thought about going even after heard that because he hasn't seen them play yet and he wanted to see our friends but after talking about it, we realized {and I think we already knew but were trying to feel somewhat social} that we just aren't in that place right now. And that's okay. Maybe next summer we will be able to make a late show like that but last Friday night just wasn't the night. We haven't stayed a night away from Eleanor as a couple and Ben has only been away for business and a wedding and he decided that wasn't how he wanted to spend a chosen night away from her quite yet.

If we have learned anything {I mean we have learned a million things} it is that each phase/stage is so fleeting. Each stage that I have thought couldn't possibly get any harder, could have been over the next week.  I know that people told me that at the time and it is so easy for experienced moms to tell me all that but at the time it is just really hard to hear. There have only been a few people that I have been able to just vent to and not get some sort of piece of advice. Sometimes you just need an ear, ya know? I am grateful for those people and over time, one of those people did become my husband. Ben always wants to be able to fix a problem or give a solution and I think he realized that wasn't always going to be the case. Sometimes, I just need to talk, vent, get mad or cry and he would just have to listen. We have always had strong communication but this experience has strengthened it even more. We have found balance between when to say something and when to not. When he is being super patient, I may not be and vice versa. I am by no means saying we have any of this figured out or that we are experts at all, but we are getting better and getting to a point where we have our feet under us a little bit more than we did.

I know this is all sort of random and scattered but I haven't been able to blog much and when I do it feels more like a journal entry of where my thoughts are on this one particular day. I know it will be nice to look back at when we are considering another baby and I need a reality check as to if we are really ready to head down that road again!

So, Happy Monday and here's to a good week! ;)

Rugged Mountain Baby

...Or something along those lines.

She didn't get bit by bugs. She didn't eat much dirt. She slept. She wasn't too wiggly or wanting to be down all the time.

We camped and it was a success!

About a month ago, I think I was maybe feeling like I was missing out on summer fun, the sun, camping, swimming and all that goes with summer. Don't get me wrong, of course I am having so much fun with the babe, but it's definitely a different type of summer than we are used to. So on a whim, I declared to Ben that I wanted to go camping. Of course he was on board right away because a.) he is always up for an outing or doing things that are outside my comfort zone because he thinks he knows what is best for me...and b.) because he loooves camping. So do I. So, why not, right?!

Loves of my life!

We found a spot about 20 minutes from our house and put the invite out to our group of friends that have babies and that we go on our vacations with. The two couples with babies responded with yes so it was planned.

Yes, we still have a dog and she even got to come! 

About every other day I was skeptical. I tried to back out a couple of times and Ben was not happy about it. I was worried about E not sleeping, eating dirt, getting bit and getting West Nile or something. You know, crazy-first-time-mom-stuff.

Two Fridays ago, we began yet another new sleeping technique. We did the normal bath, cuddle, jammies, lotions, etc. routine, I nursed her for about thirty minutes and we put her in her crib. She cried. We let her cry for five minutes, went in, soothed her, patted, sung, etc. and repeat. I can't remember all the days and nights and how they went down but after a few nights of doing this at bedtime and a couple nights of not running right into her room when she fussed in the middle of the night, she was sleeping 8-10 hour stretches. Whatintheworld? Whoisthisbaby? We had in in our minds that if we went right in, got her before she was all the way awake that she would always go back down easier. Well, turns out, as of now, if we give her some time, she may put herself back to sleep. Go ahead and think it all you moms out there...well, duh, I could have told you this! I guess we had to learn it on our own and be ready to let her cry/fuss a bit.

The reason I mention all this is because she did it while we were camping too! We didn't quite let her cry too much as to not disturb the rest of the campground--which was great because it was full of families with kids and babies--or the other babies at our campsite, but I think all the fresh air, playing, new scenery just wore her our. The second night she slept 10 hours...her her pack and play...in a tent! 

So awesome.

Anyway, we had a great time, it was nice being close to home in case we thought we needed to rush home, it was great to be able to head out after Ben got off work on Friday, and it was beautiful weather. We arrived Friday night, made dinner, put the babies down, got to sit by the fire for a bit, hiked Saturday morning, had lunch went down to the river, dinner and fire Saturday night and packed up and headed home Sunday morning.

I am so happy and thankful--I think Ben was even more so than me--that it all worked out. I am by no means a negative person, but since becoming a mom, I think I can get myself worked up about all the negative or difficult situations we could encounter on such excursions and that can lead me to just not want to do them all together.

Very glad I busted out of that and we survived Eleanor's first camping trip, survived it well and are eager to do it again!

My Own 6 Month Celebration

Three days ago I smiled and shared a snapshot of E on Instagram and Facebook as well as texted a picture to the grandparents because she turned 6 months old. {6 month post to come} As exciting as it is that my baby has been with us for 6 months, I was also celebrating 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding my little one.

Before we began our breastfeeding journey I would have never thought that continuing would be cause for me to feel proud of myself and my baby. I know it's not for everyone and some people have too many issues to continue or it's physically impossible and that's fine; I am not trying to start a debate about any of this or make anyone feel bad. However, it is important to me and I take pride in the fact that for half a year I have given my daughter all the nourishment she needs.

It has not been easy. We had some challenges in the beginning, it is always tiring and a bit time consuming and we may even be up against thrush at this point but...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess I may sound a bit like I'm tooting my own horn here which I kind of am--so I can look back later and know this little feeling of accomplishment. The emotions that have come with breastfeeding were definitely not expected. I did expect to feel the extreme closeness with the baby and those types of feelings but a lot of times I have felt stress, exhaustion, frustration and many more. I have learned also to deal with and understand that these are all normal feelings and that I am not a bad mom for feeling any of these feelings. My amazing husband has helped me through a lot of these emotions, bless his sweet heart. He has put up with a lot from me and all of these feelings and he always reassures me that it is okay to feel overwhelmed at times. I think even he has been very surprised with all that breastfeeding brings with it.

My daughter also does not take a bottle. I learned to be fine with that too. It really isn't that big of a deal. I guess sometimes it would be nice to be able to plan out an outing a little better but we are getting better at doing that too. So basically, feeding E on the go is quite easy too. I don't have to bring anything along, no mixing or warming which is quite convenient. I learned to accept the fact that although the days and nights may seem endless right now sometimes, this is all just such a short phase that we will fondly look back on and wish it hadn't gone so quickly.

Breastfeeding is an amazing thing and I didn't realize how committed I would be to it and our continuing success and mother and daughter {and father, really, let's face it, it's about all of us!}. I am still in amazement that my daughter has gained about 10 pounds since being born 6 months ago and that is all because of my body. Cuh-razy.

So, onward we go and will continue for as long as we can and for that I am thankful. Again, thankful for a husband who works hard and for our life that we tried so hard to set up for me to be able to be at home and nurse around the clock. I am also thankful for finding the La Leche League in our area and for the women who are willing to share tips, advice and their company.

Being Wished my First "Happy Mother's Day"

I have been a mother for about five and a half months now. But something about my own mother wishing me Happy Mother's Day was very surreal. And then my grandmother wished me Happy Mother's Day. I've never been a person that is a stickler for big celebrations on the specific day but obviously I was aware that this day was a little extra special because it was my first mother's day. 


I finally realize that it is true what they say: "You can't understand a parents' love until you are a parent yourself." Or something along those lines. This thought has resonated with me ever since I had Eleanor. I have always, always, known my parents love me more than life. Or so they would say. But now that I have my own baby, I can feel it. 


So everyday, I learn a little more about what it is to be a mother.

On my first mother's day I was made to feel very special. First of all, I woke up at 5am to Eleanor making some noise after being asleep for eight hours. Thank you for the Mother's Day gift, my dear!

My husband made me breakfast which we enjoyed at the table as a family.

My grandparents stopped by on their way to a brunch and gave me a nice tomato plant.

We chatted with Ben's family on the computer and wished my mother in law a happy day and they did so for me.

We went for a walk as a family on which Eleanor actually took a nap. Her napping on walks has been hit or miss lately.


We cleaned up and headed over to my parents' for the rest of the afternoon on a beautiful PNW day. About 80 degrees and beautiful. Eleanor got to try out her pool, we all relaxed, ate good food and spent quality time together. It was nice because all day long I never felt rushed to do anything, I let myself relax, let others enjoy Eleanor and ate a huge portion of the yummy salmon, prawns, pasta and fruit salads for dinner. Lately, my appetite is insatiable. 

It really wasn't about the breakfast in bed. Being waited on hand and foot. Getting really nice gifts. Maybe down the road when E is a little older and understands that she is making breakfast for me or knows that she is helping me out but this day was more about celebrating my new role. 

As a mom. And loving every minute of it.

Thank you to my husband, family and of course Baby E for making my first Mother's Day as a mother a memorable one. 

5 Months

Dear Miss Eleanor Grace,

You continue to amaze us everyday. It is so hard to keep up because it just feels like everyday you do something new whether it's a little squint you do with your eyes or a big roll from your back to your belly.

That's right, you became a roller this month. It actually happened on a morning after I awoke to a giant "present" in your diaper for me, dog puke on the rug when we came out to the living room and then as I set you on the floor, turned for a moment, turned back around and you rolled from you back to your belly with little effort. It looked like you had always been able to do it! I felt like I was having a heart attack, I was so excited. I can only imagine what I will feel like as you complete more and more milestones.

Your personality continues to shine through and it seems you may be starting to figure out a little bit of a courtesy/fake laugh. It is pretty funny. You are happy most of the time. Evening still continues to be your most unnerved time but even that is mellowing out. You still continue to love bath time and you even sit up in the infant/toddler end sometimes not just the reclined position. You are getting stronger sitting up and are gaining more balance. I think you prefer to sit up with assistance these days as opposed to laying on your back. When you roll onto your stomach it seems that you get a little frustrated because it looks like you want to go somewhere!

You are wearing mostly six month clothes. I think I have said this before but clothes are very weird and all fit differently so it is hard to pinpoint one size.

We have tried a couple of cups this month. It is my fault for not being consistent enough because that means pumping breastmilk which I don't do much of. We tried some out of the freezer but didn't think that was the best idea. You seem interested in the straw so that is encouraging and hopefully that motivates me to pump more so you can continue to learn to use the straw.

You are still having a little bit of unhappy time in the car. You seem fine on the way to wherever we are going but no matter how long we are at a destination, whether you've eaten and had a diaper change, but you are not happy on the way home. You visited your first few restaurants this month. Once with Oma and I for lunch, once with a friend, her nephew and I for lunch and once with Dad, our group of friends and I for dinner.

You have noticed that you have a built in best friend around the house--the dog. You watch her whenever she is in the room and even laugh at her. You love being on your stomach and looking up at her and talking to her. I think Holly will be more interested in you once you start moving around and sharing some meals with her!

All in all, E, you are a joy. We just continue to smile and laugh with you and chomp at the bit everyday to teach you, love you and kiss on you.

We love you so much, pretty baby girl.

Xoxo,
Mama

The 4th Weekend in a Row With no Rain

Yes, I would say that is something to brag about around these parts. Ben said that to me yesterday and then we had a chuckle that even if it's fifty five degrees and not that sunny, just having no rain is something to be happy about.

This past weekend was really, really nice. A few weekends ago, I think we were feeling like we were in a rut. We hadn't been doing much on the weekends, but they seemed to go so quickly. So, last weekend, we made plans, hung out with some friends, went out to a restaurant and it was refreshing.

This weekend, we stayed home all weekend but it didn't feel like it flew by and it was enjoyable. Friday, Ben worked a half day and was home by one in the afternoon. We hung out, had some lunch and then I went to a home shopping party with a friend and Ben and Baby E had a date. I got home, Ben made some dinner and we  had a good night's sleep.

Saturday morning we woke up and got going slowly. We had the first season of Mad Men from Netflix so we watched a few episodes of that, played with Eleanor and relaxed. After a couple of hours, we both started getting antsy so we got some chores done. Nothing too exciting--vacuuming, dusting, getting some books together to give away, getting rid of some clutter, laundry, dishes cleaning the bathrooms. None of it really felt like work, though, we had some music going and were visiting the whole time. Ben, then, decided to head out and mow the lawn so E and I stayed in the house and she ate, napped and I read and watched the Kentucky Derby. It was relaxing. When Ben finished, we made dinner, had a glass of wine, watched the Spurs game and I headed in to nurse E to sleep.

Sunday morning we awoke to bright blue skies. We had known it was supposed to be nicer on Sunday than Saturday so it was nice that we had done a majority of chores on Saturday. We watched the last episode of Mad Men, made breakfast, talked to Ben's family on Skype and put E down for a nap. We headed outside and played with the chickens a bit and once Eleanor woke up we took Holly down to the lake to throw the ball for her. E got to ride in the front pack, sunglasses and all. Eleanor just loves being outside. She is relaxed and just sort of takes it all in. I love it. When we got back from the lake, we made lunch, laid a blanket out in the yard and let Eleanor roll around while we ate. We came inside for a bit, Eleanor had a little cat-nap and then we took her jumper outside and shaded her while Ben and I read. So relaxing. We came in, had a bite to eat before Ben went to play basketball and then it was just E and I. She napped for a while, woke up, played and then it was time for bed. We had a marathon diaper event before bed {3 diapers before we had a clean one to put her down in!} and once Ben got home, we got her down and she slept great again.

There was nothing major that happened this weekend. Now big event to report on. It was just an all-around, nice, relaxing weekend. At the end of each day we were relaxed, got to smile at each other and say we had a great day. I love that. I love that Baby E is so content when we are all together as a family, get to spend time outside and enjoy each other. I know we will always look back fondly on days like this as she grows and know that they laid the foundation for her loving family.

I just realized I exaggerated a little bit. It did rain on Saturday morning. But that was tolerable because we were doing chores! 

Saturday Warm Fuzzies

Do you ever have those moments you just want to savor?

I had one at about 3am this morning.

I was rocking my baby after she had her feeding and was resting my cheek against her soft hair--or she was resting her head against my cheek. either way, we were resting on each other--my eyes were closed, I breathed deeply and thanked God for this beautiful blessing.

I am always thankful for her but in this moment, I prayed that she stay this sweet, healthy, and happy for as long as I have anything to do with it.

I held her a couple extra moments longer, set her back down, crawled back in bed and curled up next to my husband.

It was a beautiful and peaceful 3am wake-up where I got to savor my many blessings.

Happy Weekending, friends.

The Reality of It

I was talking to my close friend yesterday who has two sons. She has always thought she was going to have a third child but now she says she is on the fence. There were reasons that she told me and then unfortunately, I brought up the one that none of us likes to admit is kind of a legitimate reason to stop expanding the family.

Money.

It is a family's choice how children will be raised. Going to daycare. At home with mom. At home with a baby-sitter. At home with some other family member. There are obviously  multiple ways to choose how your family brings in money and who spends the days with the kids.

For many families, the choice is for the wife to stay home and the husband to go to work. For my friend and I, this is what our families have chosen. However, it makes things a little tight around the spending area. Not saying that two-income families have things easy by any means but this is the subject that we got on. With the way our economy is these days, it is hard to fathom having a big family and being able to live on one income.

It then brings me to the question of: Why do we want a lot of kids or a bigger family?


I grew up with one sibling and Ben grew up with two. I think I always liked the idea of maybe having another sibling or two. I don't know why I just did. So growing up, I thought I would have four kids. I think Ben always liked that idea too. After having our first child, we have realized many challenges with a baby that I think we didn't expect but all that aside, the reality of one income and the cost of raising children has reared it's ugly head.

This realization makes me sad. I don't think a reason for not having as many children as you like should be money. I do think there are ways to make it work but it takes sacrifice somewhere. If we want Ben to be in a position of many long work hours I think we know ways and where he can fit in to make a hefty salary to support us. However, we want a dad that is present for our family and not one that we see every once and awhile. We have always been very clear about that.

My friend and I were just commiserating on the fact that we don't want money to be a reason to stop having babies, but in reality, I think that is a reason. It is sad and scary how much life costs these days. But it is what it is and we all get by somehow. We are so fortunate for what we do have and thankful to be stay at home moms with husbands willing to support us and our family choices. Whether she has one more and whether I have one, two or three more, is obviously up in the air and will work itself out but it doesn't hurt to look into the future a bit and try to see what lies ahead.

But, hey, anytime this economic downturn wants to upturn would be just dandy!

4 Months

My Dear Eleanor,

I am still amazed that you have only been in my arms for four months. It sometimes feels like you have been here forever! You turned four months on April 1st and over the past month all we see is constant change with you. You grow each and every day and it is so amazing to watch.

You are becoming so aware of your surroundings whether it is objects you can see or things you can touch and explore. You notice patterns and textures that will keep your attention. You have started noticing Holly and you tend to laugh at her as she walks by. You roll from your tummy to your back and your tummy time just becomes stronger and stronger each time--you push yourself way up with your arms.

Your sleep schedule continues to be 3-5 hour stretches at night and usually a couple of 20-30 minute naps with one long 1-2 hour nap during the day. You are sleeping the nights in your pack and play at the end of our bed and you take most naps in your swing. Hoping to break that habit soon or hoping you grow out of it!

At your doctor's appointment last week, you weighed in at 14 lbs. 5 oz. and were 24 inches long. You are wearing some three month clothes still but mostly 3-6 month sizes. Clothes all fit so differently so it is hard to say one size that you are wearing. You also fit into some six month outfits.

You continue to absolutely love your bath, your play mat and we introduced you to a jumperoo which you like for a short time. You still can't quite touch the floor in the jumperoo so maybe you will like it a little more when you can actually jump! You have become quite the chatter box and have started experimenting with many different sounds. We also love to hear your laugh.

It seems that you aren't loving your car seat lately. We get in the car and you're fine for a little bit but then seem to grow increasingly unhappy until you are screaming. I hope this stops soon because it makes Mama want to stay home even more than we already do!

Our "schedule" now is usually getting up between 7am and 8am, cuddling and talking in bed. We then get your diaper changed and dressed. We come out to the living room and Mama gets her breakfast while you roll around on the floor or on your playmat. You usually nurse after about an hour or so of being awake and then tend to have a little cat nap after about two hours of being awake. We play throughout the day, you eat about every three hours during the day and have your long nap usually in the late afternoon. Dad gets home around six thirty and you are usually pretty happy while we eat dinner and do our evening routine. You usually nurse to sleep around 8pm and we have you in your pack and play around eight forty five.

We all continue to get more comfortable everyday. We are slowly getting the hang of this parenting thing and all I can do is thank you, baby girl, for being as patient as a little fourth month old can with her new parents! I cherish everyday with you and am so blessed to be your mom and get to spend my days with you. Seeing you grow and change each day amazes me so much and we can also thank your dad for working so hard for us so that you and I do get to spend our days together.

We love you, baby.

Xoxo,
Mama

Being Present

As a new mom I think there is a lot of "pressure" to get everything right, try not to "mess up" and keep your cool at all times.

Well, at least that's what it feels like sometimes.

With social media all around us, it is so easy to compare ourselves. As a generation with a lot of college graduates, I think a lot of us come from a life of organization, being successful possibly to the point of being borderline perfectionists. We then decide it is time to procreate, ten months later we are greeted with a bundle of joy and our world is turned upside down.

It is safe to say that Hub and I did not know what to expect when we decided to have a baby but I think we were surprised in a lot of ways.

It is hard.

But also so rewarding.

Being home everyday, it is easy for me to peruse Pinterest, Facebook and blogs off and on all day. It is easy to read article after article and condemn myself for not doing things like everyone else or not always having some gourmet dinner every night or my favorite: never getting out of my pajamas and letting the Hub come home to a wife in the same clothes she has had on since the night before. But, folks, we are learning, this is reality. And the rewards from being a mom don't come from a spotless house, gourmet dinners or getting dressed everyday.

They come from spending all of my time with my sweet girl.

From getting to delight in every smile she has to hand out and experiencing all of her firsts. It has been me that has seen her roll over, laugh, grab her toes and continue to form her little personality. The reason I get to continue to relish in all of these rewards is because I am there for her everyday. I try not to focus too much on the things that will always be there tomorrow.

This article has been circulating on Facebook and inspired this post. I am not writing to say that working moms aren't there for their kids. I am not saying that at all. I am writing to say that it is not all the things that matter when it comes to parenting. The homemade everything, the business woman/wife/mom/PTA president/DIY extraordinaire. It is being there. Day in and day out for our kids. And babies alike.

The babies know, too.

Happy Family

I really can't put into words how great our last 9 days were. We had Ben home and it was just perfect. Some may say we are boring because we do anything or go anywhere, but truthfully, we did just what we wanted: Stayed home, enjoyed our girl and enjoyed each other. We haven't had that much time all together since the peanut was born and then it was pretty much just survival mode.

Each day we got into a little routine, sleeping in as much as the babe allowed, making meals, playing with the girl, exercising, and getting a few chores done around the house.

The strength of mine and Ben's relationship has really shined through over the past year. I would say the past four months but really it has been since we learned I was pregnant. It is funny to look back over the course of our relationship and see where we are now because we started out dating as sophomores in college. Who could have seen then where we would be now?! It really is amazing how much we grow and change and it is so fun to do it together. I am so blessed to have a man who is so involved in every aspect of my life and now our daughter's life. He is so supportive and we are such a good balance. Things he may not know as much about or isn't as sure of he lets me take the reigns and vice versa. If either of us have a concern, we like to voice it right away. Even if a conversation starts out defensive on one end, it ends up being a healthy conversation and ends with understanding on both ends.

I guess the reason I am reflecting on this is because we had so much time together last week and got to see each other day to day in our new roles as Mom and Dad in addition to husband and wife. I also pointed out to Ben that in addition to all of our responsibilities to Eleanor, a huge one we have to her is showing her a strong, healthy marriage and relationship. Ben looked at me and said, "Yeah, I mean the way I treat you is going to show her how a man should treat her." Exactly my thoughts, Husband. She is a lucky girl because her dad treats her mom pretty dang well.

Source: Uploaded by user via Allyce on Pinterest

So much more about life becomes clear and things that didn't seem like a big deal before are a big deal now because we are the example for our sweet babe. That is a huge deal! However, there are many other things that used to be a big deal that aren't anymore. For instance, I think when Hub and I started dating sophomore year, many of our arguments are definitely not things we would argue about today.

Living, learning and loving day by day. I am just a lucky, happy Mama and Wife to have such a wonderful husband and daughter to be on this adventure with.

A Bit of Catching Up

Holy Moly. Where have I been?! No idea. Nothing new. Tending to my home and the baby. Obviously not blogging. I was so proud of myself in the month of February pertaining to the blog but then I kind of fell out of my routine in the month of March.

The month of March has been spent (pretty much unsuccessfully) trying to get Eleanor on a napping schedule. That could be why I haven't gotten a post written. Her reaction to getting laid down in her crib for a nap pretty much alerts the neighborhood that we are very certainly torturing her. She falls asleep in our arms, we walk around, we lay her down and she won't have it. At night, we still swaddle, nurse, rock and lay her down and she is perfectly fine. Anyway, long story short, she is napping in her swing. Not ideal, but at least she is sleeping for some lengths of time during the day.

Husband has been off work for the rest of his paternity leave. One word: awesome. It is so nice that he got two weeks of leave and only had to use one week of it in December. When he used that week coupled with the holidays and such, we were in such a daze, trying to keep our heads above water with our newborn that it just flew by. Now, with our almost four month old, we are basically enjoying a stay-cation. It is seriously amazing to me how much faster I get things done around this place with the Hub home. I can bust out chores like the old days, pre-Eleanor. It is also really fun to have Hub around to see all the fun developments that we are seeing with the babe.

We planted some vegetable seeds the other day to start indoors so we will see how that goes. We did it a couple of years ago and it worked ok. Hopefully it will work better this year. Of course our future farmgirl had to be in on the action.

We most certainly enjoyed the first rounds of March Madness last weekend. We both filled out brackets and neither are doing well but that's ok. We just love watching.

We are looking forward to some nicer weather. Who knows when that is coming but I am hopeful. It has basically been just cold, rainy and sometimes windy which is not great for any type of getting out of the house. 

I am getting a little excited because I have been getting the crafting itch again. I have a few simple projects in mind that will mostly consist of using some things around the house which is always exciting.

We have been going to a few of Ben's basketball games on Sunday nights which is fun because he plays with  the guys in our vacation  group so the other babies are there, we all visit, and Eleanor has been doing really well at them. Evenings are usually our "challenging" time with her but the games keep her entertained, distracted and it actually seems like she is watching!

I am also, slowly, trying to get back in shape. It is really hard to convince myself to workout when Eleanor finally goes down for a nap, I am hungry and just want to sit down. But I am going to try. She also inherited a jumper from her cousin (2nd cousin?) which she enjoys so that could start buying me a little bit more time to do things.

Anyway, nothing too exciting around here, just the usual.

But.

Our usual is pretty enjoyable these days.

3 Months

Dear Sweet, Baby Girl,

Three months have gone by since the special day that we brought you home. You continue to bring so much joy to our lives. 

As of right now, your sleeping patterns are pretty set. You usually go down around ten at night, however, I think we may try to change that soon. You usually do a 4-6 hour first stretch, wake up and nurse, 2-3 hours, nurse and another 2 hours. You are so happy in the mornings and love to smile, talk and stretch it all out.

This month brought with it your first naps in your pack and play since we are eventually working up to you sleeping the night in it. As of right now, you do your second half of the night in the pack and play by our bed.  You also graced us with your first laugh. Mom and Dad were doing your night time diaper and we heard the sweet sound together. Magic. One morning I had set you on your playmat, which you continue to love and you were batting at and talking to your toys. It is truly amazing what changes with you over night.

A couple of days before Valentine's day Mom and Dad got to go out to dinner and we left you with your Oma and Opa. You slept the whole time. Momma survived. Other than that, I have left you at home for an hour here or there to run and errand or two but that's about it.

You are into all three month clothes and actually pushing the ends of some of the pajamas. I think you weigh about 13 pounds, give or take. I was only able to weigh you on a scale that does half pounds and we, thankfully, don't have a doctor appointment this month to get an accurate weight. That's okay, I definitely know you're growing. You grow because you love to nurse. During the day we are doing about every 2 1/2 to 3 hours between feedings.

This past week or two you have steadied your head immensely and you are able to pull up into a sitting position by hanging on to someone's fingers. It is amazing how much stronger you become each day. We also have put you in your Bumbo seat a few times and you do well in it. You have also started noticing your hands and are contemplating the fact that they are attached to your body. 

You like tummy time but not for too long. You still do well at it though, lifting your head and pushing your legs. 

I'm sure I am forgetting many of the other amazing things you do but I feel these have been a few of the milestones of the month. You are just such an amazing little person and I can't believe I am so blessed as to spend everyday with you. I am so proud to be your Momma and look forward to everyday that I wake up with your smiling face.

We love you to the moon and back, Eleanor, thank you for making our lives so wonderful.

Xoxo,
Momma