It's funny how you go through your life and you always have pictures in your head of what certain events or times in your life will be like. Well, at least I do. I envisioned my college experience, what fabulous career I may get, who I would fall in love with and ultimately marry. And how my pregnancy would go if that day came. I don't think anything is the way I pictured it because who in the world's life is ever what they picture?!
I think it took us a few months longer to get pregnant than either of us pictured. Which is just fine and I know that it happened when it was supposed to.
I assumed I would just have this huge belly right from the start. I don't know why I think that. I think it's because you always notice pregnant women when they are close to the end and do have big bellies so it's like I just assumed that's what it's always like. I did start to learn with some friends though that it doesn't always "pop" until later. I still have people very surprised at how far along I am. I am learning to be okay with that and embrace the fact that I am almost in my third trimester and overall still pretty comfortable.
I assumed that I would be hungry all the time and have all these weird cravings and just eat and eat and eat. Not the case. I would say, overall, that my stomach has been pretty unsettled the whole time. There was a little morning sickness in the beginning. Then when that subsided, I still could never think of anything that sounded good to eat. It also seemed and still seems like sometimes that I have a small window of when to eat and when it will settle. Not too often. For instance, yesterday I was feeling pretty good all day until we sat down to eat dinner. I felt sick. I did eat dinner but only because I knew I should not because I wanted to. And let me tell you, if you haven't already gathered from reading my blog, this girl likes to eat. I'm hoping in the next trimester I will have more of an appetite.
I didn't realize how "in my own head" I would be all the time. I think Ben might take it as, and me as well sometimes, me being moody but really I just feel so overly consumed by this little life growing inside of me that it is a lot of what I think about all day long. From how we will care for her, to how the birth will go, to how I am processing everything and then to how I am coming across to others. I have noticed it at work, too. Most customers know that I am pregnant so some days they will ask if I am "ok" because I may be being quiet but really I think I am just "in my own head." I keep putting that in quotes because a friend described that as the way she felt and I completely understood what she meant when she said it.
I have read about women and the bodily functions going a little awry here and there but I don't think anyone quite gets that until its their body. I will just leave it at that.
I never imagined I would have such an involved, caring and loving husband. Seriously, he is the best. I also really appreciate the fact that he is not smothering. It is like we have just been on the same wavelength and that he knows when I need some extra attention and knows when I am fine doing things by myself. Perfection, I tell ya.
There have been many predictable situations of this pregnancy and many unpredictable ones. I think it is so interesting that no pregnancy is the same. Even for the same woman. That is also an interesting thing to me--so many women go through labor and have babies but no one can tell me what it's going to be like for me. I just have to prepare in my own head, with Ben, reading books and stay positive.
No comments:
Post a Comment